IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided graph depicts the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 electrical
appliance
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
, namely washing
machine
Use synonyms
,
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 and vacuum cleaner
use
Use synonyms
, over the span of 99
years
Use synonyms
, from 1920 until 2019. As can be seen in the diagram,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of
this
Linking Words
 time span, in the 1920s, the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 had the highest
use
Use synonyms
per centage
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
 at a 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 mark,
while
Linking Words
 the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 was at its lowest, only around 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In the next 40
years
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 showed a noticeable rise, rising by 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the following 20
years
Use synonyms
 and another 35 per
cent
Use synonyms
 by the year 1960, after which the increase started to stabilize and reached the absolute of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hundred per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the 90s. Another household
appliance
Use synonyms
 that reached
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hundred per
cent
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 slightly later, is the vacuum cleaner,
while
Linking Words
 the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 remains the only one not reaching 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 and the vacuum cleaner have only peaked and stabilized throughout the 99
years
Use synonyms
, the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 experiences slight drops,
such
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the one between the
years
Use synonyms
 1960 and 1980, after which it continued to grow. The given line graph provided us with information about electronic
appliance
Use synonyms
 usage within households
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the year 1920 until 2019. As we have gathered the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 showed the biggest soar,
while
Linking Words
 the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 was the only one experiencing decreases in usage.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 trend shows a general climb in
appliance
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 over the
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nadja.andric6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words appliance, use, machine, refrigerator, years, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: