IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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I agree that
children
 should have a basic understanding of what is right and what is wrong from an early age. When teaching
this
 it doesn't have to cover heavy topics
such
 as serious crimes or social issues, rather it could simply teach them the basics
such
 as manners. It would help immensely in their development of them as people and would be a foundation for who they grow up to be. Teaching
children
 how to behave in front of the public and what is acceptable would
also
 be important so they could fit into society's strict norms.
This
 can help
children
 pick up on social cues and learn why something is and isn't acceptable, which would help them when they start socializing with people outside of their family.
Not to mention
, learning what is right and wrong can help them build positive habits and would help to prevent the development of negative habits that may hurt others or themselves.
However
, as we all know,
children
 do not understand everything right away. To ensure they understand the weight of their actions, punishments should be in place. If the child isn't behaving the best possible punishment should at least be to show the child how their actions have consequences. If they are messy, make them understand the process of cleaning up after themselves. A child may
also
 have habits of shouting or disrespecting people around them,
this
 may call for restricting things like their entertainment to teach them that actions have consequences. It
also
 gives them time to think about whether or not what they did is good or bad and how it affects them or others.
This
 would
also
 be followed by communication between parents and
children
, exposing them to
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 like books or shows with positive messages that may encourage good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and morals.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Ensure you provide specific examples or anecdotes that clearly illustrate your points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
A concluding paragraph summarizing your main points would help strengthen the structure of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance that children should learn right from wrong at an early age, supported by sound reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The use of logical progression in discussing why children need to learn right from wrong and how punishment fits into this is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Explaining how learning right from wrong contributes to children's positive habits and social integration is well articulated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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