IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that to learn about other countries, they need to travel. Some say that it is not necessary to travel; we can have information through TV and the Internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Humans today have become part of global citizens. Some
people
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 believe it is essential to travel to learn about other
countries
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,
while
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 others think it is not necessary. I contend that
people
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 can learn from other
countries
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 by using online platforms.
This
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 essay will explore both points of view and address my conclusion about the statement. On the one hand, media online really helps
people
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 to study about other
countries
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.
For example
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, there are so many videos on YouTube that
people
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 can access to understand cultures, languages, food, et cetera from other
countries
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.
Additionally
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, society
also
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 can get many resources about other
countries
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 on Google. The increasing number of internet users makes information more accessible.
Thus
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, it is possible for
people
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 to acquire knowledge about other
countries
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 without visiting that
country
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.
On the other hand
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, travelling to other
countries
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 costs a lot.
For instance
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, if you are a citizen
from
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of
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 Indonesia and want to learn about Japan, you need around 7 million rupiah per flight to go there.
This
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 is not effective for some citizens, especially if you do not have enough money to afford it.
Therefore
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, visiting other
countries
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 is not applicable for all
people
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. In conclusion, going to other
countries
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 is not the only option for learning its
country
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. Technologies allow
people
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 to access information about other nations, I undoubtedly disagree with the idea
people
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 should go to other
countries
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 to study that
country
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. It is good to visit another
country
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 to gain more information that
people
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 can not get in the media, but it is not mandatory.

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are thoroughly developed with specific examples and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Make sure to address the opposing view more robustly to demonstrate a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the reference to YouTube and Google, to illustrate main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Interactions
  • Tourism
  • Local economies
  • Cross-cultural understanding
  • Carbon emissions
  • Accessibility
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Authenticity
  • Reliability
  • Virtual reality
  • Immersive experiences
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