IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online than face to face . Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #socialise #face #development
In
this
 and that day, interaction through social media is more popular among the folks.
However
,
this
 trend has many positive impacts like familiarity with
global
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the global
a global
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 community and digital literacy;
howbut
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but
 we cannot overlook its downsides which are impacting our lives to a greater extent and
made
Wrong verb form
making
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 it
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 dangerous development, which
make
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makes
show examples
 me reckon that
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 more a negative trend rather than positive. To commence with, it introduces the feeling of isolation among people. Before
internet
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the internet
show examples
, people met with each other more frequently,
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 out with friends
on
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in
show examples
 restaurants and other public places for a
get together
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get-together
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.
However
, with the advancements of
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Add a comma
internet,
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 their interactions
becomes
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
lessen
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less
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.
For example
; they prefer to stay at home and in their room only and try to meet their near ones through online platforms.
As a result
; they
caught
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are caught
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 by many physical
as well as
 mental problems like obesity and depression etc.
Moreover
,
old
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the older
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 generation is suffering more from
this
 as their children do not like to spend time with them by just giving
Fix the agreement mistake
preference
show examples
preferences
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preference
show examples
 to online chatting with friends.
Besides
 that, interacting online with individuals can be risky because most of the folks hide their real characters.
This
 is harmful for the
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 especially because they are easily impressionable and can be led to dangerous situations. Apart from that, if interaction is online parents cannot monitor it and protect their children. To exemplify; chat on
snapchat
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Snapchat
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 gets displayed after
sometime
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some time
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.
Consequently
,
such
 platforms put children in dangerous situations when they send their photographs to unknowns, who can use their photos for false purposes.
Therefore
, these kind of situations put their life
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 danger and cause mental illness.
To Conclude
,
although
 it has become more popular for people to socialise through
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, it has brought about too many problems for
generation
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generations
show examples
 to be considered a positive phenomenon.
Submitted by bawanpreet070 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic, providing a brief overview of the reasons supporting your view to prepare the reader for what follows.
Task Achievement
Enhance task achievement by ensuring each paragraph thoroughly discusses a single main idea, supported by specific, detailed examples. Avoid general statements without concrete examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, begin paragraphs with clear topic sentences that signal the main idea to the reader, followed by supporting sentences that flesh out this idea with examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs smoothly, without over-reliance on any single connector, to improve logical flow and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude the essay with a strong, concise summary of your arguments, restating your stance on the issue in light of the points made. This helps reinforce your position and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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