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Band 8

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
Some people believe marketing is a crucial strategy for selling products,
while
 others feel that commercials have become not so effective.
This
 essay discusses both sides of
this
 argument and explains why I believe advertising is still important to business. A few think it is important to advertise products for good sales results. The first reason is that nowadays, people often follow at least a couple of influencers on social
media
.
As a result
, their followers will be more likely to purchase the item they are recommending, since they trust their opinion.
For instance
, my sister is keen on buying new skincare creams just because she has seen a celebrity talking about them on Instagram. Another reason, it can trigger the fear of missing out.
According to
 recent psychological studies on humans, we are often scared of being left out because
this
 can possibly threaten our well-being, whether physically or socially.
However
, others feel that advertising is not as effective as it used to be.
This
 might be
due to
 too much unrelevant content in the
media
.
This
 is because anyone can pay a fee to have their business advertised on the internet.
As a consequence
, one's product can be lost in the middle of social
media
's ads frenzy and not perform as expected.
Moreover
, there are usually too many competitor companies.
Therefore
, it has become more challenging to stand out to possible clients since they might be already interested in a similar item from a cheaper brand. In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have merits.
However
,
overall
, I think that the advantages of being advertised by social
media
 influencers and the fear of missing out phenomenon outweigh the downsides of the crowded advertising vehicles and having too many similar brands in the market.
Furthermore
, in my opinion, business competition problems can be minimized by having a high-quality innovative product and excellent customer service.
Submitted by amandacflago23 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the essay prompt and outline your essay's structure.
task achievement
Develop your main body paragraphs more extensively by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively, and ensure paragraphing is clear throughout your essay.
task achievement
Consider a more balanced discussion by allocating equal development to both views before presenting your own opinion. This helps in addressing the prompt fully and demonstrating a well-considered argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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