IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In recent years, '" responsive tourists" have focused on preserving both the culture and environment of the places they visit. However, some people say that it is impossible to be a "responsive tourist". To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#years #tourists #culture #environment #places #visit #people #tourist
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Nowadays, most
people
 choose to travel for
realaxation
Correct your spelling
relaxation
 and
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry has become an integral part of many areas' GDP. With the prevalence of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,
people
 start to raise their awareness of relevant responsibilities, protecting local
culture
 and
environment
. But some
people
 argue that it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 improbable attempt just as a passing tourist. Personally, I disagree with
this
 view. It is
ture
Correct your spelling
true
 that most tourists
coming
Wrong verb form
come
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scenic spots just for entertainment and enjoyment. It
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 like the
reponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 are not related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them but
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 local residents'
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
. It is common for us to see the overpopulation of famous attractions, offending words and behaviour to local customs, tons of rubbish left in the places, and even the
consciously
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conscious
show examples
 or
unconsciously
Change the word
unconscious
show examples
 damage to
natural
Add an article
the natural
show examples
environment
.
However
, I truly believe
this
 situation can be improved with individuals'
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
. Most tourists don't have the sense of responsibility to preserve the
culture
 and
environment
, mainly because they are not mindful of that. In traditional
opionions
Correct your spelling
opinions
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is just like other forms of
consumeration
Correct your spelling
consumption
 which means that
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 view themselves as the king without caring
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 needs of servers. If they can realize the difference and understand their moral obligation to their tourist destinations, it is more likely for them to show respect and
further
 keep a close eye on their behaviour.
Secondly
, with more
people
 developing a habit of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, it is natural for them to find obvious changes between
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 and now, especially in those
nature beauty
Replace the word
naturally beautiful
show examples
 places and quaint old
buidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
. When they feel regretful about the losing level of
asthetics
Correct your spelling
aesthetics
 with time passing by, they would reflect on themselves about the underlying reasons.
Therefore
, those
people
, who have higher education backgrounds or who are inherently kind, are prone to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsive
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
.
As a result
, they might focus more on the local
culture
, have a better understanding of some weird customs, keep an open mind interacting with locals, curbing potential damaging acts to the
environment
, and even provide sound
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to conserve local
culture
 and surroundings. In conclusion,
although
 most
people
 are not aware of their responsibilities when
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, I think there are still the possibilities to have some responsive tourists.
Submitted by yanghuiying214 on

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Task Achievement
To further improve your essay, try to incorporate more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This could involve mentioning actual initiatives where tourists contributed to cultural or environmental preservation, or citing research that supports the effectiveness of responsible tourism.
Coherence & Cohesion
Although your essay has a clear overall flow, enhancing transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can make your argument more compelling. Consider using a wider variety of transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Your paragraphs sometimes introduce multiple points. Developing one central idea per paragraph will make your argument clearer and more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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