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Writing Samples /
Band 7

The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their profession or if they should adopt a pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#debate #people #freedom #profession #approach #future
Some people claim that young individuals should have the liberty to choose their career path
while
 others believe that the practical approach is essential. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and argue in favour of the former. On the one hand, young people should consider the pragmatic aspects of the occupation as it guarantees
job
 security and deters them from emotional depression. Specifically, in recent years, many countries experienced severe business depression, and
therefore
, youngsters struggled to get a
job
.
Furthermore
, the more they spent time seeking employment, the more they lost confidence and felt exhausted.
Hence
, seeking a profession that provides ensured
job
 opportunities is valuable. To illustrate, taking a major that guarantees direct employment after one's graduation
such
 as the Department of Education or Nursing Science is favorable.
On the other hand
, individuals should have the liberty to choose their profession as it improves life standards. To be specific, more values lie above the practicality of occupations.
For example
, several values
such
 as work-life balance and socializing with friends or coworkers are more crucial for better quality of life than pursuing
job
 security.
Moreover
, when someone searches for a
job
 that suits their personal interest, it brings them a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction which results in a higher happiness rate. In my opinion, I believe the best approach lies somewhere between.
While
 young individuals need to acquire freedom to pursue their passions, it is equally important for them to consider the practical aspects of their chosen career path. striking a balance between personal interest and practicality allows them to not only obtain enjoyment from their work but
also
 ensure a promising future.
To conclude
, opinions are divided on whether youngsters have the freedom to choose their field of work or whether they should continuously seek a
job
 aligned with a pragmatic mindset. I think that the mitigated approach is essential as both the practical aspect of a
job
 and the liberty
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 choosing their profession are valuable.
Submitted by aahhyu111 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction, stating your opinion to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided by illustrating them with real-world scenarios to make your essay stronger and your argument more convincing.
task achievement
In discussions of both views, try to maintain a balance in the development of paragraphs. Each viewpoint should be explored to the same extent to demonstrate impartiality before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all subsequent sentences within that paragraph support or expand on that idea.
coherence cohesion
For a more cohesive essay, refer back to the main argument periodically, especially in the conclusion, to reinforce your stance and make the essay come full circle.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • empowers
  • fulfilling careers
  • personal satisfaction
  • job security
  • potential earnings
  • market demand
  • pragmatic choice
  • stability
  • secure future
  • intertwining
  • emerging market trends
  • innovation
  • ecosystem
  • guidance
  • skill development
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