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Band 3

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

#people #children #members #eg #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents
some individuals commented that raising by all the family
members
such
 as
uncle
Add an article
an uncle
show examples
, aunt
as well as
 grandparents
instead
 of only
onlparents
Correct your spelling
on parents
. personally, l believe that upbringing by the need of several family
members
 is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to improve childrens' accountability and to get people
skills
,
while
 accepting maternal help and
parternal
Correct your spelling
paternal
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 is essential point. On the one hand, children have been experiencing hordes of
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 and good memories in terms of ensuring their
parents
' efforts,
while
parents
 who dread
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting hurt their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 on their hand have a lack of
enforcing
Replace the word
enforcement
show examples
.
this
 dreadness can be
lihghten
Correct your spelling
lighten
 to help by all the family
members
.
For instance
, Nick Clegg, president of global affairs at Meta, called a
nescent
Correct your spelling
nascent
 effort to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
kindness in relatives,
such
giving
Change preposition
as giving
show examples
 a hand to
Correct article usage
a nephew
show examples
nephew
Fix the agreement mistake
nephews
show examples
 can enhance kids' accountability.
Furthermore
,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
,
parents
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 regarded as role models
to nudge
Change preposition
for nudging
show examples
 their kids' helping
gene
Fix the agreement mistake
genes
show examples
 or
to teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 various life lessons. contacting with several prominent relatives can broaden their people
skills
. if they expose unexpected
circunstances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
, they will get forward by retrieving the formal lessons. In conclusion, getting accustomed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 only
parents
 is a good way to improve their
skills
,
while
rasing
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 by all family
members
 both magnify their accountability and people
skills
.
Submitted by gayoung9011 on

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logical structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement. Each paragraph in the body should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or evidence, leading to a logical conclusion.
logical structure
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea indicated by a topic sentence. Use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs to make your argument flow more logically.
supported main points
Work on presenting supported main points more clearly. Ensure each point you make is followed by relevant examples or explanations. Avoid making generalizations without backing them up with specific information or sources.
clear comprehensive ideas
In the task achievement, strive for a clear and direct response to the essay prompt. Define your position clearly at the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. Developing your ideas fully will make your response more comprehensive and convincing.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will not only demonstrate your understanding of the topic but also make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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