Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #individuals #law #prison #form #punishment #alternatives #lawbreakers

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Some people claim that every lawbreaker should be imprisoned,

while

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others

Use synonyms

believe that there are better ways to handle criminals.

This

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essay will discuss both views and contend in favour of the latter. On the one hand, those who advocate for imprisonment argue that the stricter the punishment becomes, the less the crime occurs. To be specific, when lawbreakers are locked away from

society

Use synonyms

, they are deprived of re-offending.

For example

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, a notable study conducted by Korea University in 2011 revealed that countries with strong punishments like imprisonment were likely to have low crime rates.

In addition

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, the experts concluded that the threat of serving a prison sentence may deter

others

Use synonyms

from breaking the law.

Moreover

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, jails provide an opportunity for rehabilitation as inmates can be educated through various programs and

thus

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, easily reintegrate into

society

Use synonyms

On the other hand

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others

Use synonyms

contend that alternatives like community service, probation, fines, or counselling can be more favourable ways to deal with felons.

For instance

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, by undertaking community service, offenders can repay their debt to

society

Use synonyms

and contribute positively to the public.

This

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not only benefits those directly involved but

also

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sends a message to

society

Use synonyms

that there are consequences for legal actions.

Furthermore

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, imprisoning all criminals is highly ineffective, as it is a waste of money. It is true that it requires a lot of budget and widened space to manage the accommodation. In my opinion, I believe the best approach lies somewhere between.

Although

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serving a prison sentence can be a strong deterrent to committing a crime, other measures are still required as they alleviate the overcrowding problem in jail.

Hence

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, it is beneficial as it allows resources to be focused on more serious and dangerous criminals. In conclusion,

while

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some individuals say that all culprits should be sent to prison,

others

Use synonyms

believe that it is not always the best solution.

However

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, I think that a mitigated approach is crucial as every solution is advantageous.

Submitted by aahhyu111 on Tue Mar 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Although you've presented your arguments coherently, you could further improve by ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Using linking phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'Consequently' can make your essay flow even better.

task achievement

In your essay, you've effectively discussed both sides of the argument and provided a clear opinion, which is good. To enhance task achievement, try to offer more depth to your examples. Specific real-life scenarios or more detailed statistics could add weight to your arguments.

task achievement

Your essay maintains a clear position throughout, which is commendable. To strengthen your argument further, consider exploring the implications or the future impact of each view more deeply. This approach will provide a more comprehensive analysis and enhance your scorer's understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

324 words

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Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that the problem of illegal drugs can be solved by just legalizing all drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Nowadays, sport is becoming a business and more and more professionals and big companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development?

Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future. Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.