Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #individuals #law #prison #form #punishment #alternatives #lawbreakers

Some people claim that every lawbreaker should be imprisoned,

while

others

believe that there are better ways to handle criminals.

This

essay will discuss both views and contend in favour of the latter. On the one hand, those who advocate for imprisonment argue that the stricter the punishment becomes, the less the crime occurs. To be specific, when lawbreakers are locked away from

society

, they are deprived of re-offending.

For example

, a notable study conducted by Korea University in 2011 revealed that countries with strong punishments like imprisonment were likely to have low crime rates.

In addition

, the experts concluded that the threat of serving a prison sentence may deter

others

from breaking the law.

Moreover

, jails provide an opportunity for rehabilitation as inmates can be educated through various programs and

thus

, easily reintegrate into

society

On the other hand

others

contend that alternatives like community service, probation, fines, or counselling can be more favourable ways to deal with felons.

For instance

, by undertaking community service, offenders can repay their debt to

society

and contribute positively to the public.

This

not only benefits those directly involved but

also

sends a message to

society

that there are consequences for legal actions.

Furthermore

, imprisoning all criminals is highly ineffective, as it is a waste of money. It is true that it requires a lot of budget and widened space to manage the accommodation. In my opinion, I believe the best approach lies somewhere between.

Although

serving a prison sentence can be a strong deterrent to committing a crime, other measures are still required as they alleviate the overcrowding problem in jail.

Hence

, it is beneficial as it allows resources to be focused on more serious and dangerous criminals. In conclusion,

while

some individuals say that all culprits should be sent to prison,

others

believe that it is not always the best solution.

However

, I think that a mitigated approach is crucial as every solution is advantageous.

Submitted by aahhyu111 on Tue Mar 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Although you've presented your arguments coherently, you could further improve by ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Using linking phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'However', and 'Consequently' can make your essay flow even better.

task achievement

In your essay, you've effectively discussed both sides of the argument and provided a clear opinion, which is good. To enhance task achievement, try to offer more depth to your examples. Specific real-life scenarios or more detailed statistics could add weight to your arguments.

task achievement

Your essay maintains a clear position throughout, which is commendable. To strengthen your argument further, consider exploring the implications or the future impact of each view more deeply. This approach will provide a more comprehensive analysis and enhance your scorer's understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Is there any event that is considered the most significant in impacting your life? What might have happened if that event had not occurred?

The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes.

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries. However, some nations are using alternative energy such as solar power and wind power. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people thinkk that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?