IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays, many peple send their children to boarding schools so that they can have time to work. Do the advantages of this trend out weight the diadvantages?

#peple #children #schools #time #work #trend #weight #diadvantages
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In's today modern life,
parents
Use synonyms
 spend time
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
most to their work and their company, the time for
children
Use synonyms
 in boarding school. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation has some benefits, the disadvantages
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 are more. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in a habit without
parents
Use synonyms
 brings two major advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have more time
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their job
then
Linking Words
 they can have more
oppoturnity
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to improve
finical
Correct article usage
the finical
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, duty
children
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can learn more skills,
speacially
Correct your spelling
specially
especially
 independent_which
difficult
Replace the word
difficulties
show examples
 appear or emerge if they live with
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are greater significant
diisadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
 when
children
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 away from their
parents
Use synonyms
. The first one is that handy for job satisfaction exchanged by expression,
parents
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 receive sentimental from their
children
Use synonyms
, the gap generation gradually
expand
Change the verb form
expands
show examples
 and
launch
Correct subject-verb agreement
launches
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more contradiction between
parents
Use synonyms
 and offspring.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the children_whose not enter upon take care
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 in their growing up, will have detrimental effects when they reach adulthood.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
show
Change the form of the verb
shows
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who was
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 abandoned or neglected by their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 usually opposite social or have signs of crime. In conclusion, the advantages when
send
Change the verb form
sending
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to boarding school are not negative, the disadvantages have more repercussions
make
Correct pronoun usage
that make
show examples
 people worry.
Submitted by hoangminhnhat150206 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. It's crucial to clearly present your stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Develop your arguments with more relevant, specific examples to strengthen your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your essay. Use a variety of linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Also, aim for more accurate spelling and grammar to enhance readability. Consider revisiting your essay structure to include a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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