Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#people #world #media #touch #events

Nowadays, many individuals all over the world keep in touch with other

people

and get new events by using social

medias

Fix the agreement mistake

media

show examples

every day . Despite the rise of social

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

, the benefits of using social

transports

Fix the agreement mistake

transport

show examples

outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, social media offers a platform for self-expression and creativity through

sharing

Correct article usage

the sharing

show examples

of content

such

as articles, videos, and photos.

This

means that

people

can access

Change preposition

apply

show examples

many

kind

Change to a plural noun

kinds

show examples

of social platforms like Facebook, Messenger and Zalo, so they can easily share

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

enjoyable

moment

Fix the agreement mistake

moments

show examples

Change preposition

through

show examples

images or

talking

Wrong verb form

talk

show examples

with their friends online.

On the other hand

, It

also

potential for addiction and overuse, leading to issues like decreased productivity, sleep disturbances, and negative impacts on mental health.

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

too much information in the global community,

therefore

some

people

spend the whole time of their life to update social problems

Change preposition

show examples

the internet.

For example

, many young

people

are using too

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

social platforms to chat or discuss but they don’t want to go outside and enjoy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life. In conclusion, social

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

can help

people

to keep in touch with others and update information swiftly.

However

, governments should encourage them not to

overuse

Correct pronoun usage

overuse it

show examples

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue Mar 19 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay has a clear opinion stated. The introduction briefly touches on the benefits outweighing the disadvantages but the body paragraphs do not convincingly support this statement.

Task Achievement

Strengthen your main points with more specific examples and explanations. Currently, the examples provided are generic and do not fully demonstrate how the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to better connect your arguments and make your essay more cohesive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Double check your use of terminology. 'Social transports' seems to be a mistake. Make sure you are using terms correctly to avoid confusion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Extend your conclusion to more directly reflect upon how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, linking back to your main argument in the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

200 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

global community
maintain relationships
immediate updates
self-expression
networking opportunities
overuse
misinformation
privacy concerns
personal data
culture of comparison
decreased self-esteem
dissatisfaction

What to do next:

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Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture.We can learn as much as from books, films, and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard id to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. (to what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion.