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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The obesity rates among teenagers have increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#obesity #rates #teenagers #countries
Nowadays in many countries, young
people
 are growing in weight. Which is evil badly in their bodies and
also
 leads to early death.Early obesity causes several problems. There are some reasons why adults gain weight early they themselves are to blame for
this
.
For example
, lack of movement, some
people
 are doing little physical exercise, some are not doing it at all, and sitting a lot, some
people
 are only doing things
while
 sitting, and
this
 definitely leads to obesity. Poor diet sometimes
due to
 lack of time and sometimes
people
 themselves fast food and harmful products. There is another reason to obey some young
people
, which of their families will have negative changes in the imminent of many nervous children. We need to find some ways to reduce
this
 among young
people
 and apply them to young
people
 and hopefully, it will show good results.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay fully answers all parts of the question. In this case, your essay should clearly discuss the reasons for the increase in obesity rates among teenagers and suggest concrete solutions. Make a more deliberate effort to cover both aspects comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present your topic and outline the points you will discuss, while the conclusion should summarize your points and reiterate your main stance without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Develop and support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and explore it in depth. Adding real-life examples or statistical data can enhance the argument's strength and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas into a logical flow. Each paragraph should connect to the next in a way that makes your argument easy to follow. Use transition words to help achieve this coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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