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Band 6.5

The chart below give the information about the percentage of the adults population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980,1990,2000

The chart below give the information about the percentage of the adults population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980,1990,2000
#information #percentage #adults #population #four #countries
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The bar chart shows
explanation
Correct article usage
an explanation
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of population of adults in
Add an article
the percent
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 who
experienced
Verb problem
were
show examples
 overweight in
Japan
Use synonyms
, Finland,
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 from 1980 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 predominated throughout the periods. All of the countries except
Japan
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase from 1980 to 2000,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 remained unchanged
number
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first ten years. Looking in more detail,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 stood at 15%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
show examples
 residents
number
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, there was a sharp growth in
sum
Add an article
the sum
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 of
overweight
Add an article
the overweight
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 mature population in 1990.
Next,
Linking Words
it dramatically rose and reached the highest position
at the end
Linking Words
 of
frame
Add an article
the frame
show examples
 time. In the
mean
Correct your spelling
meantime
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time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 was the lowest country in overweight residents for adults.
Japan
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 began at under 5% population and remained
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unchanged
number
Use synonyms
 until 1990.
However
Linking Words
, there was a slight
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 between 1990
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2000. Meanwhile, Finland and
Australia
Use synonyms
 had
a nearly similar trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
a nearly similar trend
nearly similar trends
show examples
. In
Finlad
Correct your spelling
Finland
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of grown-up people who passed obesity started
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 just over 5%.
Then
Linking Words
, it slightly grew in 1990 and underwent a gradual jump.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 similar condition was experienced by
Australia
Use synonyms
. At
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 of
period
Add an article
the period
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,
Australia
Use synonyms
 set to just over 5%
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 Finland
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by a gradual jump.
Then
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of
frame
Correct article usage
the frame
show examples
 time, there was a sharp increase
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japan, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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