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Band 7.5

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children
There is a belief that soaking in the world of
stories
 from books has a more beneficial impact on
children
's development than engaging with TV and computer video games. The writer wholeheartedly agrees with
this
 statement, as excessive exposure to electronic devices can lead to serious issues in
children
. Admittedly, indulging in TV watching and computer games has several positive effects on
children
's growth. The former covers a wide range of knowledge areas with useful, up-to-date information, which facilitates broadening knowledge and widening the horizon in these individuals. Meanwhile, the latter is an effective tool for stimulating the development of these cognitive abilities.
This
 is because video games are often challenging and tricky, which demand these young people utilize their problem-solving skills and logical thinking to tackle the problems, later contributing significantly to these brain functions.
However
, immersing themselves in compelling
stories
 can reap more benefits for young individuals. Unlike obtaining stimulating, engaging pictures depicted by TVs or computers, the process of following the narratives of a fairy tale requires
children
 to visualize the events and characters on their own, which fosters creativity and imagination.
Moreover
, by reading
stories
,
children
 can be exposed to a diverse range of words and sentence structures, which may nurture their literacy and communication skills. Undoubtedly, the inferiority of TVs and computers to books originates from the high risk of encountering addiction and severe health problems. Prolonged exposure to these devices strains eyes, demotivates physical activities, and potentially affects
children
's academic performances. In conclusion,
although
 both bring about numerous enhancements in various aspects of
children
, reading
stories
 is superior since gaming and watching TV can spell disaster with health infringement and addiction.
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Task Achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you have provided a well-argued position, exploring the negative impacts of TV and computers on children more deeply or contrasting them directly with the benefits of reading would enhance your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices for even greater clarity and logical flow. Although your essay is well-structured, experimenting with complex structures can elevate your score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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