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Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to remove poverty in developing countries is to provide 6 years of free education to all children. So that they can read, write and use numbers agree or disagree

#poverty #countries #years #education #children #numbers
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The country's future can be seen from the
education
 of its population.
Therefore
, it is vital to provide children with qualified
school
 curriculums , especially
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 impoverished countries. Unfortunately, not every household has the financial capacity to pay for their kids' tuition. In
this
 case, the most effective way to present youngsters with
education
 is by offering them free
education
 in their early
school
 years. Allowing juveniles to have proper
education
 without charge would create equal opportunities ahead of them.
Furthermore
, it means that well-educated adolescents would be a competent workforce later who work hard for their state's evolution.
For instance
, teenagers who received decent academic
education
 at a young age would result as excellent pupils in their universities. In terms of universities, nowadays, it is available for everyone to request for scholarship if they cannot pay the
school
 fee on their own.
Hence
, the graduates would study abroad and get to learn experiences from other developed countries.
Then
 they would return to their homeland and work out what they have studied in the past in their fatherland.
On the other hand
, some people argue that supplying students with free schooling would lead to unqualified
education
.There are numerous reasons for
this
. One of the underlying reasons is that if the government funds every
school
 it would not be competitive enough.
By contrast
, making it possible for individuals to own and control the schools on their own would generate more challenges for them to be better than the others.
Moreover
, another reason is that the taxes will be higher
due to
 the gratis teaching and will lead to increased pressure on citizens. In conclusion, I believe that even though there are some issues that we could face if
education
 is offered without charge, the benefits of cultivated society outweigh it all.
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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure your essay has a clear introduction that presents your stance on the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively. This helps in maintaining a logical flow and making your position clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more structured layout for your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to separate your introduction, main points, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be connected to the others with coherent transitions.
task achievement
Enhance the support for your main points by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This could mean adding statistics, citing reputable sources, or including anecdotes that reinforce your arguments. Doing so will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Be more explicit in addressing the task. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement and consistently support your stance throughout the essay. Avoid ambiguity to ensure task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Work on polishing your grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity and precision in expression. This will not only make your essay more cohesive but also more compelling to read.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • eradicating
  • fundamental literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • financial barriers
  • low-income families
  • promoting equality
  • child labor
  • vocational training
  • comprehensive development
  • employability
  • external aid
  • sustainability
  • significant financial investment
  • infrastructure development
  • underprivileged areas
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