IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that senior managers ought to receive substantially higher remuneration than their subordinates.
While
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 I acknowledge that managerial roles warrant superior financial compensation
due to
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 their heightened accountability and
specialized
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specialised
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 skill set, I contend that an excessive disparity in pay can engender detrimental consequences for the workforce at large. There are compelling reasons why executives should command higher salaries than rank-and-file employees. Primarily, they bear onerous responsibilities and make pivotal decisions that can profoundly impact the company's trajectory.
For instance
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, a strategic misstep in investment or expansion could lead to significant financial adversity or
jeopardize
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 an essential venture.
Moreover
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, attractive compensation packages are instrumental in attracting and retaining seasoned professionals whose expertise is indispensable for steering large corporations effectively.
Nevertheless
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, I am not in
favor
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 of an exorbitant income gap. When senior managers earn multiples of what other employees receive, it can precipitate a pervasive sense of injustice among the workforce. Staff members who execute day-to-day operations may perceive their contributions as undervalued, potentially undermining morale and productivity.
Additionally
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, pronounced income differentials can strain interpersonal dynamics between management and staff, fostering resentment and discord.
Consequently
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, it is incumbent upon companies to guarantee equitable remuneration across all hierarchical levels commensurate with the duties performed. In conclusion, I endorse the principle that senior managers merit higher salaries given their exceptional responsibilities and requisite expertise.
However
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, I strongly advocate for moderation in pay differentials, as an exaggerated gap can erode employee motivation and exacerbate perceptions of inequality within the
organizational
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 structure.

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task response
Give one more clear, real example. For example, explain how a very large pay gap changed worker effort or staff leaving in a company. This would make your ideas feel more complete and less general.
task response
Make your limit for a fair pay gap more clear. You say the gap should not be “exorbitant”, but explain what a fair system could look like, such as pay based on results, skills, and the size of the job.
task response
Your view is balanced, but the words “to what extent” need a very direct answer. In the opening, state more clearly that you partly agree, rather than only saying you “contend” that a large gap has bad results.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and heavy. Split them into two shorter sentences so the main point is easier to see. For example, the sentence about investment and expansion could be made simpler.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more direct links between cause and result inside the body paragraphs. For example: “As a result, workers may feel less valued. This can lower their effort at work.”
coherence and cohesion
The last sentence of the second body paragraph gives a new point about fair pay. Add a short detail to connect it more closely to the earlier point about worker feeling and work output.
task response
Your position is clear from the start: managers should earn more, but the gap should not be too large. You answer both parts of the question and keep this view to the end.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and well explained. You show why managers may need higher pay and why very large pay gaps can hurt workers.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and a closing. Each paragraph has one main purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “For instance”, “Moreover”, “Nevertheless”, and “Consequently” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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