IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Linking Words
Linking Words
Accordingly
Correct your spelling
According

The word Accordingly doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 to the information
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the Internet,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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social media is replacing contact in everyday life. No doubt, apps like Instagram, Facebook or
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube

The word Youtube doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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became
Wrong verb form
have become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

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the
Change the article
apply

It appears that the article the is unnecessary before the adjective part. Consider making a change.

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part of our usual livelihood. In
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I am going to tell their cons and pros.
To begin
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, almost everyone in the modern world has an account on a social platform. Starting with 10 years old children,
continuing
Correct word choice
and continuing

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 with elderly ones. Of course, programs have a whole bunch of advantages.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, meeting new people, mastering current skills, exploring recent trends or becoming an influencer. Nowadays, all these things can be incredibly useful.
Also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, you have an opportunity
to begin
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a career in social media. I will not say, that it is easier to have a job in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 area, but it gives more chances to travel the world and earn bigger money. That being said, software has its own disadvantages. First of all, people use them to reduce time, when they are bored, unfortunately, it can grow into addiction.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 kind of scenario happens to a lot of users,
due to
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they cannot control their screen time.
Secondly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the use of social media is replacing face-to-face contact. The reason is that it is more effortless to communicate with others through apps.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 raises the problem of interaction in real life. To solve
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 issue, we need to reduce the amount of time we
spent
Wrong verb form
spend

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spent. Consider changing it.

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in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the Internet and start talking to friends outside our house. With all the conclusions made, I will say, that the side of advantages, which developed our life for the better,hugely outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Your introduction should clearly address the question and state your position regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Consider using a more structured approach, such as stating what you will discuss and your overall opinion.
task response
Try to develop your paragraphs more by including specific examples and clear explanations of how these examples support your argument. This will help make your points more convincing and increase the relevance of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure there's a clear logical flow to your essay by using cohesive devices effectively (e.g., however, therefore, firstly, secondly). Additionally, try to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points made in your essay and clearly state your final position. Make sure it is distinct and wraps up your essay effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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