IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kid of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Many countries around the globe deal with the rapidly growing prevalence of health issues directly linked to poor dietary choices. Some of them have opted to impose heavy taxes
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 chains as a way to dissuade the general consumer from buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a good approach to the problem and that could result in a slow decrease in obesity rates among the countries that have followed
this
Linking Words
 initiative. It is open to discussion whether it is entirely our personal responsibility the consume these products that later on might generate repercussions in our bodies. What is not debatable for me though, is the mere fact that having easy access to
this
Linking Words
 sort of
food
Use synonyms
 turns out to be a key factor for the rise of diseases related to junk
food
Use synonyms
. Had McDonald's' prices not been affordable for the average person, It would have prevented them from including a double cheeseburger in their daily menu and
consequently
Linking Words
 would have resulted in replacing it with more healthy alternatives that in turn represent less severe damage to their pockets, as it is now not doable to maintain
this
Linking Words
 style of living.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, our habits are dictated by our personal economic contexts.
Additionally
Linking Words
, rewarding companies with subsidies for offering a more economically sustainable diet low in carbs that at the same represents an alternative to fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a must in today's society.
This
Linking Words
 is the path that countries that implement tax over processed
food
Use synonyms
 should follow as it is a palliative measure against retractors that advocate for not sanctioning brands that promote unhealthy diets.
In other words
Linking Words
, favouring the prevalence of nourishing
food
Use synonyms
 that replaces the void left by high carbs is a way to reduce the cardiovascular disease index as it is imperative that our dietary choices are based, most of the time, on economic reasons.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the legislation of taxes upon fast
food
Use synonyms
 chains is the right path towards a better future for the new generations

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as highlighting specific countries that have implemented such taxes and their outcomes.
coherence cohesion
Further support your main points with more detailed and diverse evidence or arguments to strengthen the overall discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, creating a cohesive structure that guides the reader through the argument.
complete response
The essay addresses the task prompt thoroughly, presenting a focused response to the question of imposing taxes on fast food.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prevalence
  • Deterrent
  • Consumption
  • Revenue
  • Public health initiatives
  • Lower-income populations
  • Government intervention
  • Taxation
  • Nutrition
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Junk food tax
  • Access
  • Affordability
  • Health issues
  • Fair means
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