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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#changes #birth #rates #china #usa #information #features #comparisons
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The
linegraph
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line graph
 demonstrates how
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birth
Add an article
the birth
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rate
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was changing
Wrong verb form
changed
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 in China and the USA in
period
Add an article
the period
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 from 1920 until 2000. It is evident from the data that both
chines
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Chinese
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 and
americans
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American
birth
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 rates went down to 8 and 4
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. It is interesting to note that
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
chinese
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Chinese
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birth
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rate
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 fluctuated at the
begining
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beginning
 of the given period in the interval between 10 and 15
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percent
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per cent
show examples
. There is a rapid fall
for
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of
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 10
percent
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 followed by 5 years of stability.
Afther
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After
this
Linking Words
, 1950 witnessed a drastic jump
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
chinese
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Chinese
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birth
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rate
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 from 5 to 20
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percent
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per cent
show examples
, reaching a peak. After rising
for
Change preposition
by
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 15
percent
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birth
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rate
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 fastly decreased and continued
decliening
Wrong verb form
to decline
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untill
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until
 1985. An
american
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American
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birth
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rate
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 has approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 dynamic as a
chinese
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Chinese
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 in the first decade.
Americans
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Americans'
American's
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birth
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rate
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 had decreased
for
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by
show examples
 7
percent
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 by 1947.
However
Linking Words
, it was followed by a rapid
grows
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growth
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for
Change preposition
of
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 10
percent
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 in 1950. After rapidly increasing
americans dirth
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American birth
rate
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 started to steadily
going
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go
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 down.
Submitted by dyussenovaanel on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, rate, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 3 times.
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