In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have dissapeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this solution?

#parts #world #festivals #celebrations #measures #counter

The tendency in

world

Add an article

the world

show examples

to not celebrate specific days is making us live like each other with no differences. In order to solve

this

problem, the governments may want to protect the social and historical impacts of their subjects and the youth should be informed about certain beliefs and customs in their country. The main problem caused by

this

situation is we all started to live like the same, with no different patterns and

consequently

, the historical and cultural

treasure

Fix the agreement mistake

treasures

show examples

of the world are disappearing

due to

this

extinction of celebrations. We now are rather too lazy to show our respects to any cultural customs and everyone is too busy to live their own individual life. To illustrate, not celebrating any special occasion and living that

day

as a regular

day

makes us a

strager

Correct your spelling

stranger

stronger

, just as someone who has no idea about that

day

and we both become outsiders to it and

as a result

, we both become like each other. To solve

this

issue, mothers and fathers should educate their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

about the importance of the specific

day

, doing some creative activities with

children

or throwing certain parties may give

this

education to them. Another solution can be held by governments and certain entities, namely preserving the

cultrual

Correct your spelling

cultural

impacts by organising events for both

children

and adults.

This

prevents cultural history from fainting

day

and us from thinking, living and knowing like the same.

For instance

, in Turkey, the 23rd of April is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

National

Children

Day

, in the

past

Add a comma

past,

show examples

we were all excited about the

day

as youngsters

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because the government was encouraging everyone to celebrate that

day

however

Add the comma(s)

however,

show examples

the government now has other priorities on their agenda and today the National

Children

's Days have become just as regular days. In conclusion, the problem of human beings living like their clones in terms of culture

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can be solved in two ways: with the efforts of the families

about educating

Change preposition

to educate

show examples

their

children

about their nation and with certain governmental strategies which are able to excite the citizens about the importance of the special

day

Submitted by :DDDDD on Tue Mar 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Make sure to address the essay prompt directly and thoroughly. In this case, more specific examples and detailed discussion on the impacts and solutions would enhance your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Work on developing a more cohesive structure by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.

task achievement

Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. Detailed examples add depth to your essay and demonstrate a stronger understanding of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Consider separating ideas into more paragraphs. Each main idea should start a new paragraph, which helps in organizing the essay better and making it easier to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

348 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over security or satisfaction which is more important in line of work. While some claim that the enjoyment of vocation is more significant, the opposite makes the statement that a long-lasting job is more crucial. While each has its own perks, I would contend that I consider myself as an advocate of the former.
7
band
A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer. He/she has asked for your advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: * Explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday * describe some possible disadvantages * say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer
Hope you are doing great! I'm writing to share my thoughts about the camping holidays.
6.5
band
In some countries, the differences in ages between parents and children are greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of the development outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, there has been a trend in some countries where the age gap between parents and children is increasing and greater apart compared to the past. Some think this development has many drawbacks but the advantages may outweigh the negative impact.
7.5
band
Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent (widespread) and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Processed food is gaining popularity among people these days. While I acknowledge the time efficiency and reduction in food waste that ready-made meals offer, I share the view that people will prefer to consume conventional foods in the future due to their irreplaceable quality and sustainability.
7.5
band
Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.
Nobody can deny the importance of higher education. However, a dilemma appears here, a number of people believe that only those subjects must be taught, that undergraduates prefer. While others are certain that students benefit from exact science courses. As far as I am concerned the forceful kind of learning is no longer productive in the modern world.

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have dissapeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this solution?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, the differences in ages between parents and children are greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of the development outweigh the disadvantages?

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent (widespread) and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.