Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures. How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those who stay at home?
Some
people
believe that those who love travelling more appreciate other Use synonyms
cultures
rather than Use synonyms
people
who just stay at home. In my opinion, I agree with that argument as Use synonyms
travel
drives Use synonyms
people
to meet new society which means new Use synonyms
cultures
.
Why Use synonyms
travel
helps Use synonyms
people
to honour different Use synonyms
cultures
because it will open their minds towards a diverse society. Use synonyms
For example
, there are differences in how Linking Words
people
greet each other in many countries. Use synonyms
While
in Indonesia, Linking Words
people
usually shake hands, in Korea, society prefers to bow when they meet each other. Use synonyms
This
means that Linking Words
although
both of the countries are part of Asia, they have totally different Linking Words
cultures
. It can bring a lesson to an Indonesian who travels to Korea to embrace other Use synonyms
cultures
. With Use synonyms
travel
, Use synonyms
people
learn how other societies live their lives, which Use synonyms
thus
can make them better understand and have a high tolerance Linking Words
to
each other. Change preposition
for
In addition
, Linking Words
for instance
, Indonesia Linking Words
that
built by many islands Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
Linking Words
consist
of multicultural backgrounds. Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
Although
we are in the same country, the population in Indonesia have a different way of life that Linking Words
influenced
by their own Add a missing verb
is influenced
cultures
. Use synonyms
People
who love to experience new places get exposure to other Use synonyms
cultures
and broaden their perspective towards each other.
In conclusion, it is true that travelling can make Use synonyms
people
honour other Use synonyms
cultures
since it will open their point of view towards a different life. Use synonyms
Therefore
, I recommend to all readers to Linking Words
travel
more when we still have time and chance. Go outside from home and explore new experiences so we can live life to the fullest.Use synonyms
Submitted by mmmuuu on
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Task Response
Engage with the topic by directly answering the question in your introduction. Starting with a clear thesis statement strengthens your argument.
Task Achievement
To improve your argument, ensure your essay directly addresses the comparisons between people who travel and those who stay at home, as the question suggests.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve your essay's flow. This enhances the coherence and cohesion aspect.
Task Achievement
Expand the depth of your examples by including more personal reflections or broader societal implications. This would add richness to your argument and help in further convincing the reader.
General Advice
For a more polished feel, consider revising your essay for minor grammatical errors and improve clarity in some sentences.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.