IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You recently did a short cookery course. The cookery school asked for your feedback on this course. Write a letter to the course director at the cookery school. • describe what you enjoyed about the course • say how much cooking you’ve done since the course • suggest another cookery course you’d like the school to offer

#cookery #course #school #feedback #director #you’ve #you’d #offer
Dear Mr. Smith, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I recently had the pleasure of attending short cookery
classes
 at your school, and I am writing to express my gratitude for
this
 course.
First,
the things I enjoyed the most during
this
 programme were the hands-on practical sessions and the friendly environment.
In addition
 to that, learning from well-knowledgeable faculties made my experience even more enjoyable and fruitful. After completing the course, I have noticed
a significant changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a significant change
significant changes
show examples
 in my cooking. I am
implying
Verb problem
applying
show examples
 all
tips
Correct article usage
the tips
show examples
 and tricks I have learned during
classes
. Now, I feel more confident
while
 preparing dishes.
Also
, I am experimenting with the new recipes.
Nevertheless
, I am taking orders for small get-togethers now, it has enhanced my financial budget and
also
 helps me to socialise.
Additionally
, I would like to suggest you
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
organize cultural cookery
classes
, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
taste
Add an article
a taste
the taste
show examples
 of different regions and cultures. I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 love to participate in
this
 type of culinary
classes
Fix the agreement mistake
class
show examples
, and people from different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 will enjoy exploring diverse cultural dishes. I look forward to participating in your upcoming programme. Warm regards, Joy Monta
Submitted by patel2dhruvil202 on

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Task Response
To improve task response, ensure that every aspect of the prompt is addressed thoroughly. In your letter, while you've covered all points, further elaboration on how much cooking you've done since the course, with more specific examples, could strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Consider using linking phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition to this', or 'Consequently'. This will help your paragraphs flow better from one idea to the next, enhancing the overall cohesion of your letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of logical structure, your letter is well-organized, but it could be improved by more clearly delineating paragraphs, potentially by adding a line space between them. This visual separation can make your letter easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
For greeting and closing, you've used appropriate formal language, which is good. To further refine your style, consider using 'Dear Course Director' or the specific name if known, and ensure the closing is equally formal and well-matched to the greeting's tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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