IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#everybody #amount #income #support #charity
Nowadays, charitable work has been supported by more and more
people
, since they realized the profound meaning of it. Some
people
 argue that everyone has the obligation to contribute to
charity
 by allocating a certain part of their
income
 to
this
 area. Personally, I disagree with
this
 idea. It is true that
charity
 is pretty meaningful for individuals and beneficial for the whole society. But it doesn't mean
people
 should be
enforced
Verb problem
forced
show examples
 to do
charity
, which
also
 violates the original principle of volunteering.
People
's distinct financial situations and backgrounds should be considered when encouraging
donating
Replace the word
donations
show examples
.
For instance
, there are still a large number of
people
 who struggle to cover their basic daily needs in almost every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. It is obviously unreasonable to require these groups to donate money. After all, the core of
charity
 is to
hep
Correct your spelling
help
show examples
people
 from less well-off backgrounds. If
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 don't have any extra
income
 to care about other's lives, exempting from charitable responsibility is definitely understandable and legitimate. I firmly believe the premise of
charity
 is that you can take care of yourself
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first and
then
 contribute to others. Another reason is that requiring
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to donate a fixed amount of
income
 is inappropriate.
Firstly
, the majority of workers actually don't have a stable
income
, which fluctuates
due to
changable
Correct your spelling
changeable
change
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
, unexpected expenses, and things like that. Being forced to allocate a certain part of their salary to
charity
 might be a big strain and lead to misunderstanding and even antipathy. When it comes to the real charm of
charity
, many
people
 are appealed by
volunteering
Correct article usage
the volunteering
show examples
 spirit. In charitable work, they spend their existing money and energy on helping others and gain a strong sense of accomplishment. Once a fixed standard is set, all the psychological rewards seem to
lose
Wrong verb form
be lost
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
charity
 plays a significant role in our society, we should
also
 respect all the participants' personal
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and willingness. Only in
this
 way,
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
show examples
 enthusiasm for
charity
 is sustainable.
Submitted by yanghuiying214 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider providing more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay more engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, you could work on linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow better.
Task Achievement
Enhance your argument's depth by exploring counter-arguments and providing balanced viewpoints. This will demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
General
Double-check for typos or grammatical errors that might distract from your message. Maintaining a high level of accuracy in your writing will make it more professional and easier to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic equality
  • Wealth gap
  • Redistributing resources
  • Social responsibility
  • Mandatory donations
  • Financial strain
  • Voluntary donations
  • Morality
  • Ethics
  • Efficient use of resources
  • Sporadic contributions
  • Implementation challenges
  • Compliance
  • Fixed amount
What to do next:
Look at other essays: