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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart indicates the average monthly variation in prices of copper, nickel and zinc in 2014.
Firstly
Linking Words
, an evident decline can be seen in the
figure
Use synonyms
 for the monthly
change
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of nickel, diminishing to -3% from January to June,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage begins to rise slightly to -1% in July and remains for 2 months. From
September
Use synonyms
 to the
last
Linking Words
 month of the year, the percentage of average monthly
change
Use synonyms
 in the
price
Use synonyms
 of nickel
fluctuatley
Correct your spelling
fluctuates
 rise to 1%. There is a similar trend
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be seen in the
figure
Use synonyms
 for the average
change
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of zinc during a month showing a
fluctuate
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 decrease to -1% in June and
keep in
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 to
September
Use synonyms
 until
finally
Linking Words
 grows to 2% in December. As for the average monthly
change
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of copper, the percentage met a decline from 1% in January to -1% in June with an unchanged trend during August and
September
Use synonyms
. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for the monthly
price
Use synonyms
 variation slightly
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to 2% during the
last
Linking Words
 three
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 in the year of 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, all the
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price changes
show examples
change
Use synonyms
 had a similar trend
while
Linking Words
 both of them remained stablely unchanged during the period from July to
September
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words figure, change, price, september with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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