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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
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Today I am discussing what
people
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 should do in their spare
time
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. Most
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 spend their
freeb
Correct your spelling
free
time
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in
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apply
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watching TV. Some think that using free
timetime
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time
 to watch TV makes them lazy and prevents them from socializing.
According to
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 my point of view, I totally agree with the statement that watching too much TV is not only creating laziness but you
also
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 lose your social
life
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. No doubt
Television
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 is a great
invention
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 and a useful source of knowledge about current affairs and entertainment. It
also
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 provides quick access and information about different parts of the world. No doubt, we could get knowledge about different fields from
this
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 amazing
invention
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. But on the other
Television
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 has some disadvantages too. Infect
Television
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 was a unique
invention
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 of its
time
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 and it was quite strange for
people
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 to see visuals in front of them.
People
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 warmly welcome the
invention
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 as their home guest. But after a few years,
this
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 unfamiliar guest became an essential part of their home and penetrated their
life
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with
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in
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 full swing. I think too much penetration of
television
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 made our
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life
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lives
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 complex and antisocial. In the early days of
this
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invention
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invention,
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 it was quite normal and
people
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feel
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felt
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 happy but as
time
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passes
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passed
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 too much involvement in watching
Television
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 created lots of problems. I conclude with the opinion that if
people
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 spend all of their leisure
time
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 watching
Television
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 it will make them not only lazy
people
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 but
also
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 kill their social
life
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.
People
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 should realize that access to anything with no reason could make their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 miserable.
Submitted by computersinn2007 on

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Task Achievement
Task Response: Ensure that you address all parts of the task. You made a clear argument agreeing with the statement, but your response could be enhanced by providing more detailed examples and considering possible counterarguments to create a more balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Organize your essay more effectively. Use clear paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument and improve the flow of your essay.
Grammar and Accuracy
Consider diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structure to make your essay more engaging. Furthermore, be mindful of typos and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your message. Proofreading your essay can greatly improve its clarity and professionalism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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