The car is possibly the most convenient and popular way of getting from A to B. However, due to its impact on the environment and the risk it poses to pedestrians and motorists, governments should take urgent steps to reduce our dependency on this mode of transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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some people continue to select cars as their mode of transportation, it can bring several risks to society, which makes the government
adresses
Correct your spelling
address
methods for reducing its usage, and I completely agree with
that
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those
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conditions.
Furthermore
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,
this
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essay will discuss the reasons for my given statement.
To begin
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with, the declining proportion of
car
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drivers
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can make the street more secure since
car
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transport has been a major contributor to street accidents. It is acceptable because nowadays enormous
car
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manufacturers are installing technologies that can heighten the driver’s convenience but fail to make them do mindful driving.
As a result
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, they are not aware of their surroundings
while
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driving, which eventually involves them in road accidents.
For example
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, the automatic
drive
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driving
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system in Tesla may be helpful for
drivers
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who want to multitask during their journey.
However
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, recent statistics have proven that almost 90% of
car
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accidents in the United States were
also
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caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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drivers
Use synonyms
who use that system.
This
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means that
although
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streetcars already
offering
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offer
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more
Add an article
a more
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comfortable way to drive, it does not guarantee to hinder the
drivers
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from unwanted events.
Furthermore
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, decreasing the number of gasoline-based vehicles can result in a healthier environment.
For instance
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, in Jakarta, the local decree that has been issued by the Jakarta governor, Anies Baswedan, regarding the prohibition of taking private vehicles to transport in the town for about five days has resulted in
a
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apply
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good air quality and a remarkable decrease in the percentage of people who suffer from respiratory diseases. It is found to be effective since the amount of hazardous gases that can cause air pollution,
such
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as nitrogen and carbon dioxide that have been emitted into the sky from cars has reduced significantly.
To conclude
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, I completely agree with the government’s plan to reduce the number of
car
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drivers
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, because it can make the
street
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streets
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safer and the environment healthier.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and outlines the essay structure. Refrain from saying 'this essay will discuss' as it's more effective to directly state your main points.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with a clear main idea at the beginning, followed by supporting details and examples. This helps in making your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the essay's flow by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help in connecting ideas more smoothly and enhancing overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or phrases. Instead, use synonyms or rephrase your sentences to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a wide range of vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating your position. A well-crafted conclusion helps in leaving a lasting impression on the reader.
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