The car is possibly the most convenient and popular way of getting from A to B. However, due to its impact on the environment and the risk it poses to pedestrians and motorists, governments should take urgent steps to reduce our dependency on this mode of transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some people continue to select cars as their mode of transportation, it can bring several risks to society, which makes the government
adresses
Correct your spelling
address

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methods for reducing its usage, and I completely agree with
that
Correct determiner usage
those

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
conditions.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will discuss the reasons for my given statement.
To begin
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, the declining proportion of
car
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

drivers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can make the street more secure since
car
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

transport has been a major contributor to street accidents. It is acceptable because nowadays enormous
car
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

manufacturers are installing technologies that can heighten the driver’s convenience but fail to make them do mindful driving.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are not aware of their surroundings
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

driving, which eventually involves them in road accidents.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the automatic
drive
Replace the word
driving

The word drive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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system in Tesla may be helpful for
drivers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who want to multitask during their journey.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, recent statistics have proven that almost 90% of
car
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

accidents in the United States were
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
drivers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who use that system.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

means that
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

streetcars already
offering
Wrong verb form
offer

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb offering. Consider changing it.

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more
Add an article
a more

The noun phrase more comfortable way seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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comfortable way to drive, it does not guarantee to hinder the
drivers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from unwanted events.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, decreasing the number of gasoline-based vehicles can result in a healthier environment.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in Jakarta, the local decree that has been issued by the Jakarta governor, Anies Baswedan, regarding the prohibition of taking private vehicles to transport in the town for about five days has resulted in
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun quality in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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good air quality and a remarkable decrease in the percentage of people who suffer from respiratory diseases. It is found to be effective since the amount of hazardous gases that can cause air pollution,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as nitrogen and carbon dioxide that have been emitted into the sky from cars has reduced significantly.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I completely agree with the government’s plan to reduce the number of
car
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

drivers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, because it can make the
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets

It seems that street may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
safer and the environment healthier.
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and outlines the essay structure. Refrain from saying 'this essay will discuss' as it's more effective to directly state your main points.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with a clear main idea at the beginning, followed by supporting details and examples. This helps in making your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the essay's flow by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help in connecting ideas more smoothly and enhancing overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or phrases. Instead, use synonyms or rephrase your sentences to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a wide range of vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating your position. A well-crafted conclusion helps in leaving a lasting impression on the reader.
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