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Band 2.5

'Most people believe true happiness lies with money, and some do without money.' To what extent do you agree?

#people #happiness #money #do
Disagree True happiness is a complex and subjective concept that cannot be solely attributed to money .
While
 financial stability can provide comfort and opportunities ,it does not guarantee lasting
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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.Many people find happiness through non - materialistic factors
such
 as meaningful relationships ,personal growth ,and a sense of purpose . These intrinsic values often contribute more significantly to
overall
well - being
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well-being
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 than wealth alone.
However
 ,it's important to acknowledge that financial security can alleviate stress and provide access to resources that enhance quality of life.
For example
 ,a person living
in
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apply
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a minimalist lifestyle with limited financial resources may
pricritize
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prioritize
prioritise
 meaningful connection
Therefore
 ,
while
 money can play a role in facilitating happiness ,its significance is limited compared to the deeper emotional and psychological factors that contribute to a fulfilling life.
Submitted by roshnijuneja19182 on

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Task Achievement
Increase the depth and clarity of examples to better support your main points, making your argument more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on why financial security is important but not sufficient for happiness to clarify the relation between your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that succinctly states your position and summarizes your main points for a more impactful message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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