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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

advantage and disadvantage of telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

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There are many advantages and disadvantages of telling
children
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 to
work
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 harder so that they can achieve something that they want to do.
For
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example
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, the test or some competition that you want to win;
therefore
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,
this
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 argument will be helpful for making them
work
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 harder for the future or for fun. First of all, there are many advantages reasons of helping
children
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 by saying "try hard".
For
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example
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, when we say
this
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 encouraging word
children
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 will get the energy to
work
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 hard to achieve their goals which will be helpful when you are working or having classes in university. When they have the energy to
job
Verb problem
work
show examples
 hard they can try any question even if it is hard by solving them one by one
also
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 when they pass the exam or some other competition they can understand their own abilities which are helpful
for
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example
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, math skills or some sports activities. Second of all, there are many kinds of reasons which are a disadvantage.
For
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example
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, it is not reliable to achieve anything
such
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 as an exam by only saying try hard
also
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 even if they try hard, sometimes it does not
work
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 and they will fail the exam. They lose the joyful life when they keep trying hard to achieve, which is unhelpful and it will be hard to make friends when they become older. If they do not achieve their task they will think that they do not have enough brains to achieve and they will be disappointed.
To sum up
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, there are many advantages and
also
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 disadvantages of telling
children
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 to
work
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 hard to achieve the task
such
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 as for advantage, they can get more energy to
work
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 hard but they can not play with other friends and soon they will lose every friend. In my opinion, I think it is a disadvantage to keep telling
work
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 harder to achieve the tasks.

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task response
To improve task response, ensure you provide a balanced argument on the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. Also, include more specific examples to support your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to structure your essay more logically and clearly. Use transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. Introduce your topic and summarize your argument in the conclusion more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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