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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the percentage of the adult population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

The chart below gives information about the percentage of the adult population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980, 1990 and 2000.
#information #percentage #adult #population #four #countries
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The supplied chart provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who were obese in the four disparate nations
such
Linking Words
 as Japan, Finland, Australia, and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 three different times.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the year
2000
Add a comma
2000,
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 the
people
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 overweight
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the highest
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
number
whereas
Linking Words
 in 1980 citizens who were outsized was the lowest. Comparatively, Japan is the only country which has less than 5% of the corpulent
people
Use synonyms
 in all three years.
However
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 is the nation which outweighs in the number of obese
people
Use synonyms
 which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 15% in 1980, 25% in 1990 and 30% in 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Finland
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 under 10% of portly individuals in 1980 and 1990 but there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
surge
Add an article
a surge
the surge
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 in 2000 which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 more than 10%.
While
Linking Words
 in Australia, the plebeians who are outsized were below 10% in 1980, the number added to more than 10% in 1990. Yet, there was
upsurge
Add an article
an upsurge
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 in the year 2000 which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 20%.
Submitted by thilagaraj7007 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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