IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instrad of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

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At present,
increasing
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an increasing
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 number of population with health problems are seeking other ways
such
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 as a prescription
instead
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 of a
doctor
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. In my view,
this
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 is a negative approach
due to
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 many reasons. one the other hand, some
people
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 believe that buying some drugs or
pills
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 can be an alternative way rather than visiting a
doctor
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. Since going to the
doctor
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 takes a longer time than going to buy medicine from pharmacies is faster and can prevent illness.
For example
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 in India
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due
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apply
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to
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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 in the country
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not balanced with
source
Correct article usage
the source
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 of
doctors
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,
cannot
Correct word choice
and cannot
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 be accessible to all patients.
Therefore
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, they are willing to use some medicine like Paracetamol can reduce the pain without access from the
doctor
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.
As a result
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, the rate of disease will be decreasing. In my opinion, getting
pills
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 for any patient with any illness can cause drawback consequences without committing
with
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to
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 the
doctor
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. Medicines may have some substances which
people
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 are not aware of except
doctors
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. Because
doctors
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 know all
ingredients
Correct article usage
the ingredients
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 and substances which make
people
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 surviving
people
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 from any physical problem.
For example
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,
in
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apply
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norethisterone
pills
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are useful for
people
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 who have a problem with the periodic menstrual cycle,
Moreover
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, there
is
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are
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 some negative side effects like
you gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 more weight which
dangerous
Add a missing verb
is dangerous
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 for
people
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 who
have been
Wrong verb form
are
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 overweight it might cause side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 rather than
people
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 can imagine.
As a result
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,
doctors
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 still play a significant role in society.
To conclude
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, taking some
pills
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 without help or guidance from the
doctor
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 can cause more risk to health.
however
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,
due to
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 a lack of time, some
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to use medicine by themself.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay offers a more balanced view on the topic. Address the prompt directly and expand on your reasons with clear explanations and more diverse examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by organizing them more logically. Use paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a single main idea. Introduce your paragraphs and connect your ideas with appropriate linking words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing a more detailed introduction and conclusion. Clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion to refine the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of supporting examples and evidence. Use specific and relevant examples to back up each of your main points. This will add weight to your arguments and improve task achievement.
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