Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instrad of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

At present,
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
number of population with health problems are seeking other ways
such
as a prescription
instead
of a
doctor
. In my view,
this
is a negative approach
due to
many reasons. one the other hand, some
people
believe that buying some drugs or
pills
can be an alternative way rather than visiting a
doctor
. Since going to the
doctor
takes a longer time than going to buy medicine from pharmacies is faster and can prevent illness.
For example
in India
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
in the country
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not balanced with
source
Correct article usage
the source
show examples
of
doctors
,
cannot
Correct word choice
and cannot
show examples
be accessible to all patients.
Therefore
, they are willing to use some medicine like Paracetamol can reduce the pain without access from the
doctor
.
As a result
, the rate of disease will be decreasing. In my opinion, getting
pills
for any patient with any illness can cause drawback consequences without committing
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
doctor
. Medicines may have some substances which
people
are not aware of except
doctors
. Because
doctors
know all
ingredients
Correct article usage
the ingredients
show examples
and substances which make
people
surviving
people
from any physical problem.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
norethisterone
pills
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are useful for
people
who have a problem with the periodic menstrual cycle,
Moreover
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
some negative side effects like
you gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
more weight which
dangerous
Add a missing verb
is dangerous
show examples
for
people
who
have been
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
overweight it might cause side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
rather than
people
can imagine.
As a result
,
doctors
still play a significant role in society.
To conclude
, taking some
pills
without help or guidance from the
doctor
can cause more risk to health.
however
,
due to
a lack of time, some
people
are forced to use medicine by themself.
Submitted by fonnfahh2402 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay offers a more balanced view on the topic. Address the prompt directly and expand on your reasons with clear explanations and more diverse examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by organizing them more logically. Use paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a single main idea. Introduce your paragraphs and connect your ideas with appropriate linking words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing a more detailed introduction and conclusion. Clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion to refine the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of supporting examples and evidence. Use specific and relevant examples to back up each of your main points. This will add weight to your arguments and improve task achievement.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: