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Band 6

SOME PEOPLE USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND NEWS EVENT. DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS TECHNOLOGY OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES.

#people #media #touch #news #event #technology
Nowadays
technology
 is becoming more and more useful to youth.
However
, a certain number of people tend to utilize social media for conversations with others and
used
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for crucial
news
 around the world. I believe that its advantages are overlapping its disadvantages. There are a plethora of advantages of
technology
.
Firstly
, people can share information in a short time period
as well as
 over long distances. To explain it more, in the modern era, if a person lives in a foreign country, family members o friends can talk with them through various apps
such
 as Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, and Gmail.
For instance
, 80% of students use applications for different futures like video calls, and video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 because it is the cheapest way, or if they choose calling
then
 they want to pay a large amount of money for roaming.
Moreover
, people can get crucial
news
 from the internet by which update themselves. To explicate, the internet has its own benefits
such
 as the masses can see the latest
news
 on mobile phones to compare with Television, because the
news
 is broadcast in the evening not at a time.
In addition
 to
this
, technologies are helping us in every sector.
For example
, in India, most machinery in Factories and Mills runs automatically by using
technology
 setup.
As a result
, factory owners do not need to hire more experts for machinery. In conclusion, individuals are more reliant on
technology
 nowadays because it helps us in many ways

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Task Achievement
Make sure to carefully address both sides of the argument. While you've discussed the advantages, consider elaborating more on the disadvantages for a balanced response.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas fully. Each paragraph introduces good points, but further explanation or a wider range of examples could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show clearer connections between your ideas for improved coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all following sentences support that main idea for better cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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