Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A controversial discussion point is whether achieving a successful life requires diligence and determination rather than other factors
such
as fortune and appearance. Despite the writer contending that conscientiousness and perseverance play a crucial role in success, people believed that other aspects are more considered. In light of the proliferation of job demands, it is vital to understand that diligent work and unwavering attitudes are undoubtedly essential for accomplishment, especially in several domains. In the professional field, individuals who show initiative tend to be promoted in career prospects which require dedication and hard work. In the educational field, students who desire to enrol in prestigious universities like Harvard must be studious and exert resoluteness to achieve
such
a goal.
However
, critics argued that other elements would
also
directly influence the achievements. It must be acknowledged that a stable financial background not only assists individuals to get better education in their specific field but
also
leads to more opportunities to achieve greater milestones in later growth.
Furthermore
, a polished appearance can significantly influence how one is perceived, leading to preferential treatment in situations
such
as job applications.
This
point is credible but these factors will merely help with initial starts, achievements
also
require long-term effort which cannot be afforded by money.
This
writer advocates the opinion that being perseverant and determined will lead to progress in life.
In other words
, diligence in performance not only expands the career path
on the contrary
also
gain more knowledge and experience leading to flexibility in case of facing failures.
Furthermore
, resoluteness will receive admiration and assistance from colleagues leading to the possibility of success.
Thus
, hard effort and determination are preferable
instead
of other aspects. In conclusion,
while
critics believe that money and appearance are more likely to affect triumph in life, I would favour conscientiousness and diligence for the aforementioned reasons.
Therefore
, people should focus on their quality
instead
of depending on other elements to succeed.
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the topic with a well-defined standpoint. However, it can benefit from enhancing the depth and variety of examples to support the main points more robustly.
task achievement
There are minor grammatical and spelling mistakes that could be corrected for better clarity and precision. For instance, consider revising sentences for clarity and to avoid awkward phrasing.
coherence cohesion
While the essay progresses logically, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance readability. Consider using more varied linking phrases to ensure a seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly frame the discussion and effectively summarize the writer's stance, which strengthens the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and reasonably effective use of linking words, which helps in connecting ideas within and between paragraphs.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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