Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvatages?
In today's digital age, technology plays an important role in humans'
life
. It is believed that social networking Fix the agreement mistake
lives
sites
help people
contact other friends
and getting
Wrong verb form
get
news
. Add an article
the news
This
writer argues that the benefits of technology to get in touch with relatives and update the the
latest Remove the redundancy
apply
news
outweigh the drawback of overloading information .
The most advantageous factor of social media
is that can connect people
all over the world
together.In other words
, through
social networking Change preposition
apply
sites
, for people
who live different
Change preposition
in different
far
places or have lost touch with Correct word choice
apply
friends
, social media
is the best platform that minimizes
the gap between them. It provides various forms to help Wrong verb form
minimise
people
easily connect others
Change preposition
with others
such
as making calls , texting messages, taking photos,etc. Nowadays , most teenagers in the world
extend relationships through many social apps, particularly in Vietnam , for instance
, a lot of youngsters use Facebook, Instagram, and Zalo to keep in touch with friends
. Thus
, social media
contributes to connecting people
.
Informing the latest news
must also
be considered. It must be recognised that news
nowadays covers widespread
on social Replace the word
widely
media
platforms in seconds. Through networking sites
, people
in the world
quickly know what happens in other countries or any person. Thereby
, Rephrase
Therefore
people
should consider using social media
as a support tool which helps people
update news
events.
However
, a few parents are concerned about overloading information. In fact, there are no limitations on the range of answers on the Internet , their children
are unaware of what contents they can reference which might cause consequences for mental health. This
may be true, but under the supervision of parents and explaining to children
what they can see, children
gain more useful knowledge on social networking sites
. Consequently
, social media
helps children
make new friends
, not behind.
Taking all points into account , the overload information
Change preposition
of information
of
social Change preposition
on
media
is outweighed by the connection and getting the news
. Hence
, using social media
can be more favourable for people
all over the world
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages of social media, which is good for task response. However, to improve task achievement, ensure each body paragraph elaborates on a specific idea with more depth and detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more distinct and better developed. Start your essay with a more engaging introduction that clearly outlines the topics to be discussed. Conclude your essay by summarizing your arguments concisely and affirming your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs. Utilize a range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in contrast, therefore) to link ideas across the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, be sure to address both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner before stating your position. Include specific examples from reliable sources or personal experience to strengthen your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example