Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvatages?
In today's digital age, technology plays an important role in humans'
life
. It is believed that social networking Fix the agreement mistake
lives
sites
help Use synonyms
people
contact other Use synonyms
friends
and Use synonyms
getting
Wrong verb form
get
Use synonyms
news
. Add an article
the news
This
writer argues that the benefits of technology to get in touch with relatives and update the Linking Words
the
latest Remove the redundancy
apply
news
outweigh the drawback of overloading information .
The most advantageous factor of social Use synonyms
media
is that can connect Use synonyms
people
all over the Use synonyms
world
together.Use synonyms
In other words
, Linking Words
through
social networking Change preposition
apply
sites
, for Use synonyms
people
who live Use synonyms
different
Change preposition
in different
far
places or have lost touch with Correct word choice
apply
friends
, social Use synonyms
media
is the best platform that Use synonyms
minimizes
the gap between them. It provides various forms to help Wrong verb form
minimise
people
easily connect Use synonyms
others
Change preposition
with others
such
as making calls , texting messages, taking photos,etc. Nowadays , most teenagers in the Linking Words
world
extend relationships through many social apps, particularly in Vietnam , Use synonyms
for instance
, a lot of youngsters use Facebook, Instagram, and Zalo to keep in touch with Linking Words
friends
. Use synonyms
Thus
, social Linking Words
media
contributes to connecting Use synonyms
people
.
Informing the latest Use synonyms
news
must Use synonyms
also
be considered. It must be recognised that Linking Words
news
nowadays covers Use synonyms
widespread
on social Replace the word
widely
media
platforms in seconds. Through networking Use synonyms
sites
, Use synonyms
people
in the Use synonyms
world
quickly know what happens in other countries or any person. Use synonyms
Thereby
, Rephrase
Therefore
people
should consider using social Use synonyms
media
as a support tool which helps Use synonyms
people
update Use synonyms
news
events.
Use synonyms
However
, a few parents are concerned about overloading information. In fact, there are no limitations on the range of answers on the Internet , their Linking Words
children
are unaware of what contents they can reference which might cause consequences for mental health. Use synonyms
This
may be true, but under the supervision of parents and explaining to Linking Words
children
what they can see, Use synonyms
children
gain more useful knowledge on social networking Use synonyms
sites
. Use synonyms
Consequently
, social Linking Words
media
helps Use synonyms
children
make new Use synonyms
friends
, not behind.
Taking all points into account , the overload Use synonyms
information
Change preposition
of information
of
social Change preposition
on
media
is outweighed by the connection and getting the Use synonyms
news
. Use synonyms
Hence
, using social Linking Words
media
can be more favourable for Use synonyms
people
all over the Use synonyms
world
.Use synonyms
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages of social media, which is good for task response. However, to improve task achievement, ensure each body paragraph elaborates on a specific idea with more depth and detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more distinct and better developed. Start your essay with a more engaging introduction that clearly outlines the topics to be discussed. Conclude your essay by summarizing your arguments concisely and affirming your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs. Utilize a range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in contrast, therefore) to link ideas across the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, be sure to address both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner before stating your position. Include specific examples from reliable sources or personal experience to strengthen your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example