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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink contains high levels of sugar, Which cause many health problems. Sugary should be made more expensive to encourage to people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #levels #sugar #health #people
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In contemporary discourse about healthy eating and nutritious food, sugar seems to be deemed as one of the key causes of
health
 problems. In my opinion, the solution provided above, to make sugary products more expensive in order to discourage
people
 from buying them is a very logical option. Namely, when
people
 decide to implement a
change
 that will improve their
health
, it usually consists of giving up on comfort. There is a certain level of dopamine that we as
people
 get consuming our "guilty pleasure foods", and the hardest part about quitting is the fact that the outcome relies completely on our will and mental strength.
Therefore
, I am sure that for many
people
 a helpful factor in resisting sugary produce
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could be the fact that it is not as affordable.
Furthermore
,
such
 a
change
 would easily affect a bigger group of
people
 and help in countries that generally have a problem with obesity. My stance is that it is better to try and target
such
 a problem on a general level, rather than trying to reach individuals and attempt to educate them of the
health
-damaging effects of sugar. If we consider how many
health
 campaigns exist in the world, trying to inform
people
 of the
health
 risks caused
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 sugar and the still ongoing severity of the problem, we can conclude that they are not as effective of a solution. In conclusion,
although
 I do understand that
such
 a
change
 could infuriate
people
, especially those not willing to
change
 their eating habits,
such
 a categorical issue can only be solved on a macro level. A positive impact can be achieved, if
this
 decision were to be carried out, not only on obese
people
, but
also
 on an average person.
Submitted by nadja.andric6 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food and drinks
  • high levels of sugar
  • health problems
  • consume less sugar
  • sugary products
  • more expensive
  • motivate
  • reduced sugar consumption
  • additional revenue
  • healthcare programs
  • low-income individuals
  • cheaper sugary products
  • education and awareness
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • promoting healthier choices
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