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Band 3.5

Everyone of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do yo agree or disagree?

#meat #health #yo
All humans around the world must be
vegeterians
Correct your spelling
vegetarians
vegetarian
,
however
,
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 more
meat
 can
cause
Verb problem
be
show examples
 unhealthy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Hence
, I personally,
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that taking flesh can affect our
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 to a greater extent.I am going to explain some serious diseases caused by eating animals in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the forthcoming essay.
To begin
 with, people who eat vegetables are exempted from getting sick all the time.
Additionally
, those who favour beef
as well as
 chicken are at high risk of
unhealthy
Add a missing verb
being unhealthy
show examples
.An example to illustrate that could be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country of India,
about
Rephrase
where about
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 80% of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 population
living
Wrong verb form
lives
show examples
 older because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are mostly vegetarians.
Thus
, those who always craving for steak, they always been admitted to
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
due to
 diseases
such
 as obesity, high blood pressure
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 diabetes.
Therefore
,
this
 is clear that animal flesh can affect people's health
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Moreover
, the population should take veggies
instead
 of smashing
kentucky
Change the capitalization
Kentucky
show examples
.
Furthermore
, vegetables
also
 help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our immune system to function well, one can admit that to be a vegetarian it's a better idea rather than ingest more
meat
.
For instance
, nurses and doctors praise all patients who are consuming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
veggie
Fix the agreement mistake
veggies
show examples
 in their diet almost every day.Since
meat
 can cause human
hearts
Fix the agreement mistake
heart
show examples
mulfunctioning
Correct your spelling
malfunctioning
,
therefore
, one can not deny that steak seriously affects human lives.
To conclude
, being a vegetarian it's healthier compared to those who smash
meat
.I
also
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 eating
meat
 can cause serious health problems to a larger extent.
Submitted by cajaah93 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas clearly and logically. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. Both should be clear and direct, summarizing your argument effectively at the beginning and end of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and evidence. Avoid general statements and try to include detailed examples that clearly illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly state your position and extend your argument across the essay, making sure to cover the topic comprehensively.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Avoid overly complex or repetitive sentences. Instead, aim for clear and direct statements that convey your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. General statements are less convincing than examples and evidence drawn from studies, statistics, or personal experiences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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