IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that substituting apartment buildings for
parks
Use synonyms
 and
gardens
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 near
city
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 is the solution to
shorten
Wrong verb form
shortening
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 daily commute times.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, there are other solutions that can enhance the efficacy of daily commutes. On one hand, replacing
parks
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 and
gardens
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 in the
city
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 with apartment buildings would lead to increased capacity and
efficiency
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 straightforwardly.
Firstly
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, the
city
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's population capacity would rise. With more living space available, there would be room for the construction of new apartments, thereby directly increasing the
city
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's population capacity.
Secondly
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,
efficiency
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 in various aspects of life would improve. Shorter distances would reduce the need for people to commute from
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
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 to the
city
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 for administrative tasks,
such
Linking Words
 as dealing with tax or identity applications, especially across different departments.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe there are alternative solutions to reduce daily commute times.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should focus on building faster highways between suburbs and the
city
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. People who prefer to live closer to the
city
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 do so to enhance
efficiency
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, so the government should plan new, faster
city
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 highways to alleviate commute time issues.
Moreover
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, replacing apartments with
parks
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 and
gardens
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 in the
city
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 could lead to negative effects
such
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 as noise pollution and a deteriorating environment. Urban green spaces provide
city
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 dwellers with places to relax and improve the quality of daily life.
However
Linking Words
, removing green spaces from the cityscape could lead to less comfortable living environments. In conclusion, I disagree with the proposed solution of reducing commute times by replacing
parks
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 and
gardens
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 in the
city
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 with apartment buildings, as it could have negative effects on the cityscape.
Instead
Linking Words
, building faster
city
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 highways can improve
efficiency
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 and help solve the commute time problem.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a clear logical structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs each dealing with a single idea, and concluding with a summary or restatement of your main points. This essay does well in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with detailed examples or evidence. While the essay provides good examples, adding more specific statistics or studies could enhance the argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss both views and provide your own opinion, as this essay effectively does.
task achievement
Make your ideas as clear and comprehensive as possible. Using a mix of simple and complex sentences can help convey your points more effectively, which is well demonstrated in this essay.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While the essay includes relevant examples, incorporating more detailed and varied examples can strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
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