Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that substituting apartment buildings for
parks
and
gardens
near
city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
is the solution to
shorten
Wrong verb form
shortening
show examples
daily commute times.
However
, in my opinion, there are other solutions that can enhance the efficacy of daily commutes. On one hand, replacing
parks
and
gardens
in the
city
with apartment buildings would lead to increased capacity and
efficiency
straightforwardly.
Firstly
, the
city
's population capacity would rise. With more living space available, there would be room for the construction of new apartments, thereby directly increasing the
city
's population capacity.
Secondly
,
efficiency
in various aspects of life would improve. Shorter distances would reduce the need for people to commute from
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
to the
city
for administrative tasks,
such
as dealing with tax or identity applications, especially across different departments.
On the other hand
, I believe there are alternative solutions to reduce daily commute times.
Firstly
, the government should focus on building faster highways between suburbs and the
city
. People who prefer to live closer to the
city
do so to enhance
efficiency
, so the government should plan new, faster
city
highways to alleviate commute time issues.
Moreover
, replacing apartments with
parks
and
gardens
in the
city
could lead to negative effects
such
as noise pollution and a deteriorating environment. Urban green spaces provide
city
dwellers with places to relax and improve the quality of daily life.
However
, removing green spaces from the cityscape could lead to less comfortable living environments. In conclusion, I disagree with the proposed solution of reducing commute times by replacing
parks
and
gardens
in the
city
with apartment buildings, as it could have negative effects on the cityscape.
Instead
, building faster
city
highways can improve
efficiency
and help solve the commute time problem.
Submitted by cuggikem on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a clear logical structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs each dealing with a single idea, and concluding with a summary or restatement of your main points. This essay does well in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with detailed examples or evidence. While the essay provides good examples, adding more specific statistics or studies could enhance the argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss both views and provide your own opinion, as this essay effectively does.
task achievement
Make your ideas as clear and comprehensive as possible. Using a mix of simple and complex sentences can help convey your points more effectively, which is well demonstrated in this essay.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While the essay includes relevant examples, incorporating more detailed and varied examples can strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
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