Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, we live in a society
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
is a step to
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contact between us. From my own point of view, I think
this
is happening for the increasing of the
time
of
use
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
devices
(like
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
,
tablet
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tablets
show examples
, play
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
, computers, etc) without
stablishing
Correct your spelling
establishing
a limit
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
time
for them.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
I think
this
is happening because many
parents
avoid spending
time
with their children because of work or because they don´t know how to interact with them, so they prefer to give them some
devices
to
maintain
Verb problem
keep
show examples
them busy,
instead
of trying to build a relationship, and learn how to communicate and build a bond each other.
This
is a pattern that our
parents
follow for their
parents
,
than
Correct word choice
who
show examples
also
didn´t know how
interact
Add the particle
to interact
show examples
with their children. But of
course
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course,
show examples
this
is something
that is
truly important to
chance
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
and improve. Some measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend
time
meeting one another in person: 1.
Parents
put a
schudale
Correct your spelling
schedule
to
use
technoological
Correct your spelling
technological
devices
every day. 2.
Not
Add a missing verb
Do Not
show examples
give the password
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the internet to their children or chance every day/week to avoid during the night their sons 3. Make
choose
Correct your spelling
a choice
show examples
and sign in
one
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for one
show examples
outside
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
show examples
or sport.
For example
football or
swimpool
Correct your spelling
swim pool
4. Spend
time
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
family,
doing
Verb problem
playing
show examples
fun games without
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
any
technoological
Correct your spelling
technological
devices
. Like
for example
, twister, monopoly, etc. 5. During the meals put the rule
that is
forbidden
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
technoological
Correct your spelling
technological
devices
, so every
technoological
Correct your spelling
technological
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
is going to be inside a drawer,
only
Correct word choice
and only
show examples
when
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
show examples
finisth
Correct your spelling
finished
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
, is going to return their cellphones.
Submitted by catherina.manrique.aguinaga on

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Structure
Work on providing a clear introduction that explicitly addresses the essay question and offer a concise conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve logical flow by using more cohesive devices (e.g., firstly, however, in conclusion) and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting sentences.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address both parts of the question by clearly stating why teens prefer online socialization and providing relevant, varied measures to encourage in-person interaction.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples from your own experience or broader knowledge to support your arguments. This adds credibility to your essay.
Language
Check for grammar and spelling errors, and try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper punctuation.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
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