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Band 3.5

Some people think school children should participate in extra classes while others oppose this idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #classes #idea
Some individuals think that schoolchildren should participate in the additional
classes
 organized by institutions for more knowledge and
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
time
-management skills.
According to
 them, joining these extra
classes
 helps children obtain more information and reduces the chances of wasting their
time
 on electronic devices
such
 as PlayStations and Smartphones.
On the contrary
, others argue that extra
classes
 have a negative impact on the lives of students because they do not get enough
time
 to grow their physical skills and put all their energies into studies. By doing so, they are becoming physically weak and emotionally sick. These people think that
in addition
 to the normal
classes
, children should have adequate
time
 to build psychological
as well as
 physical strength.In my opinion, the regular schedule of school is good enough to gain knowledge from books and the rest
time
 should be given to students for their interests.
Hence
, they would be able to enjoy their childhood and grow
wel
Correct your spelling
well
Submitted by bhardwajkomal136 on

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task achievement
Although you clearly attempt to address the topic, the essay lacks a conclusive paragraph. A clear conclusion strengthens your argument and summarises your opinion, reinforcing the essay's main points.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. This includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore specific viewpoints with examples, and a strong conclusion. Transitional phrases can help link these sections smoothly.
task achievement
Expand your discussion with more relevant, specific examples to support each viewpoint. This not only demonstrates your understanding but also enhances the persuasiveness of your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your essay is fully developed by addressing all parts of the task. This includes discussing both views comprehensively and providing a clear personal opinion. The essay feels incomplete and would benefit greatly from further development and detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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