IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that tourism does more to create tension between countries rather than helping individuals better understand other cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that
instead
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 of strengthening bonds,
tourism
Use synonyms
 actually causes more hostilities between
countries
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. In my opinion, I believe that the vast majority of tourists can make more significant benefits than its downsides. The reason that many people have turned against
tourism
Use synonyms
 is a large portion of tourists have caused tension
due to
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 their impolite behaviours. Every part of the world has different cultures that require researching before getting into their regions. If travellers do not have an insight thought and knowledge about the customs, they can unintentionally offend the local values, leading to conflicts arising.
For example
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, the“OK” sign is a common gesture in many
countries
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, in The USA, it means positive agreement,
however
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 in Iran,
this
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 is an insult.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that
this
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 action creates more mutual understanding between nations.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that the increase in
tourism
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 rate enhances the connection of tourists and travel places through cuisines and traditions. By experiencing life in a strange country, foreigners can get close to locals and promote cooperation between the two
countries
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.
For instance
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, citizens who live in
countries
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 in the EU do not need passport approval to travel, they only need to buy tickets so that the relationship among these
countries
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 is very friendly. In conclusion, I strongly believe that international
tourism
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in fostering social cohesion in a multicultural world rather than tension as it can remove fallacies and replace
Correct pronoun usage
them by
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 deep understanding.
In contrast
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, careless travellers may bring misunderstanding or antagonism if not fully prepared.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt throughout your arguments. While your introduction and conclusion are strong, make sure each paragraph clearly supports your stance with more specific examples and detailed analyses.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by linking ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Use a wider range of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argumentation more seamlessly. This can also help in better structuring your essay and strengthening the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
To further support your main points, incorporate a broader spectrum of examples and evidence. While your current examples are relevant, adding more diverse and detailed instances can enrich your argument, making it more persuasive and comprehensive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural misunderstandings
  • stereotypes
  • economic disparities
  • over-tourism
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • personal interactions
  • stereotypes
  • host countries
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural festivals
  • preservation efforts
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