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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of female students on four different courses at one university from 1970 to 2015.

The graph below shows the percentage of female students on four different courses at one university from 1970 to 2015.
The line graph delineates information about the proportion of
girl
Correct your spelling
female
show examples
pupils
Use synonyms
 studying various
classes
Use synonyms
 at one university over a 45-year period, starting from 1970.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is discernible that the majority of female students were prone to study law more than other courses,
whereas
Linking Words
 Computer science was an unappealing field for them in 2015. A detailed glance at the graph reveals that from 1970 to 2015, there was
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 substantial surge in the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girl studying Physics and Medicine, and their increase in 2015
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 twice as much as in 1970, taking above 80%. In 1985, the proportion of female
pupils
Use synonyms
 in physics
classes
Use synonyms
 hit the lowest point, accounting for almost a
quater
Correct your spelling
quarter
. Concerning the data,
although
Linking Words
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
 was a trivial major to female
pupils
Use synonyms
 in 1970, all of them went in for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
 in 2015, reaching a peak at exactly 100%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 1970,
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
 science field of study ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first position in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of female
pupils
Use synonyms
 studying, nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one-third.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 proportion jumped up to 85%, which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
surpassed the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
 choosing physics and medicine
classes
Use synonyms
 in 1995.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pupils, classes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • male-dominated
  • steady
  • fluctuating
  • popularity
  • influence
  • societal changes
  • advocacy
  • gender equality
  • enrollment
  • academic disciplines
  • declines
  • plateau phases
  • gender diversity
  • inclusion
  • educational sector
  • workforce
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