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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Economic growth is one way to measure a country's success, but what else should we look at? Which do you think is the most important?

#growth #measure #country #success
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It is undeniable that economic growth is one way to look at a country's achievement.
However
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, we should
also
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 consider many other things
such
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 as
employment
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rate
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,
healthcare
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 services, and quality of
education
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. Among several measures, I believe the level of
education
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 is the most paramount measure to look at.
To begin
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 with, an
employment
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rate
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 can be a great measure when it comes to a nation's success. The number of workforce is a focal point of a country's capability, which leads to attracting foreign business investors.
Moreover
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, a low
employment
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rate
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 is a strong evidence of business depression, so considering it is crucial.
In addition
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, a
healthcare
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 quality metric is
also
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 important as counties equipped with high-quality health facilities often showed an increased life expectancy and
overall
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 well-being.
For instance
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, Finland, which is one of the most well-equipped
countries
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, is highly ranked regarding individual life standards after improving their
healthcare
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 systems.
However
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,
although
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 there are several measures to consider, I think
education
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 level is the most significant way to think about as high literacy rates empower an individual's ability in work.
As a result
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, a well-educated workforce can result in a strong social economy.
For example
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, in
countries
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 like India and South Korea, more than half of citizens go to university for
further
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 studies. Indeed, both
countries
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showed
Wrong verb form
have shown
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enormous economic growth in recent decades.
To conclude
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, there are some ways to look at the accomplishments of
countries
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.
Employment
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rate
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 and
healthcare
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 quality are
also
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 considerable measures,
however
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, I stress that
education
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 is the most important criterion to consider.
Submitted by aahhyu111 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on the specific examples you introduce to further strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add flow and interest to your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear thesis statement and summarizing your arguments well.
Cohesion
Good use of cohesive devices linking ideas smoothly.
Task Response
Your essay successfully addresses the topic, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
Logical Structure
Well-explained reasons supporting your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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