IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Pressure on the school and universities store and is increasing and students are forced to to hard work when they are young do you think it is a positive or negative development

#pressure #school #universities #store #students #work #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, tremendous interest in learning and teaching has
rise
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 the pressure on educational institutions.
Thus
Linking Words
, requesting
students
Use synonyms
 to do a lot of work at school and their home. In my opinion, l truly agree that we need to take quick action towards
this
Linking Words
 matter.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, The people who argue that
students
Use synonyms
 should not learn under pressure,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have their convincing reasons. The main reason is these days the psychology issues have Increased among the
puplis
Correct your spelling
pupils
public
as a result
Linking Words
 of learning pressures.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent studies prove that the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who suffer from depression
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased from 30% to 50% during the
last
Linking Words
 five years. In my university,
for example
Linking Words
, there are a large number of
students
Use synonyms
 who are stopping from attendance to class and prefer to start their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 because of the enormous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Responsibilities and challenges they have faced during their studies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people argue that
puplis
Correct your spelling
pupils
public
 all over the world must learn under pressure to learn effectively.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are a lot of studies
prove
Correct pronoun usage
that prove
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 should take a large of responsibilities to enhance their learning.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the tutors only take the guiding roles to decrease the pressures on
students
Use synonyms
 and
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 them to
facilitates
Wrong verb form
facilitate
show examples
 their tasks. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, l strongly agree that learning is important, but the
students
Use synonyms
' psychology is more
sgnifi
Correct your spelling
significant
! cant .
Therefore
Linking Words
, teachers must
helping
Change the verb form
help
be helping
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to learn effectively without
suffereing
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from mental and psychological problems.
Submitted by fatema14mohammed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While you have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring each part is clear and logically progressing from one to the next will further enhance readability and coherence. For instance, start with a clear thesis statement in your introduction, and make sure each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly stated in the first sentence.
task achievement
Your essay lightly touches upon a relevant discussion, but to fully address the task, it could benefit from a deeper exploration of your views, with more varied and detailed examples to support your opinions. Strengthen your argument by discussing contrasting viewpoints more thoroughly before justifying your position.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs. Such connectives will help guide your reader through your argument in a logical manner.
coherence cohesion
Be aware of grammatical errors and incorrect word choices which can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your essay. Regular practice, reading, and possibly seeking feedback from proficient English users or educators can help you improve on this front.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rigorous
  • global job markets
  • cultivate
  • discipline
  • time management
  • mental health impact
  • anxiety
  • burnout
  • holistic education
  • well-rounded individuals
  • uniform standards
  • individual learning styles
  • personal growth
  • self-confidence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: