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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time as it is beneficial for the community and teenagers as well. To what extend do you agree with the statement.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time
Some
individuals
 are of the view that
teenagers
 should be required to do
community
 work without any remuneration as
this
 could be beneficial for the
teenagers
 and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. I do not agree with the statement and my views are in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the spare time of the
teenagers
 is a very precious element of their life. To explicate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
requir
Correct your spelling
require
 a lot of time to learn about and explore the outside world
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young age.
Further
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life skills like communication and other interpersonal skills are inculcated in
this
 age.
This
 knowledge is very important for the
overall
 growth of an individual as it would be necessary for them to communicate and coordinate with others. It could be said that as a rose blossoms only when it remains untouched and unharmed, so is the case of young
individuals
.
Hence
, they could not be burdened with other responsibilities.
On the contrary
, it is crucial to consider that the
community
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 could develop a sense of oneness among the
teenagers
 who participate in them. Adding to it, there are many opportunities that the youngsters get when they participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
 work.
For instance
 ; distributing food to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor people might lead to a sense of compassion and kindness in the
youngersters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
.
Moreover
, they
also
 get to socialize with the
individuals
 of their age.
Thus
,
this
 leads to an
overall
 growth of the participants.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
 should spend their time working on their own goals or
to explore
Change the verb form
exploring
show examples
 their own interests rather than being forced to follow someone else's orders.
Submitted by bhardwajkomal136 on

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Task Achievement
To improve TASK RESPONSE, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in your essay. Consider both sides of the argument comprehensively and make your position clear. Support your opinion with relevant examples and explanations. To boost this area, you may want to practice developing arguments and counterarguments for a range of topics, and ensure that your response directly answers the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better COHERENCE AND COHESION, organize your essay in a more structured manner. Use clear paragraphing to separate your ideas, and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., linker words like 'however,' 'furthermore,' 'in addition') correctly to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs. Reviewing and practicing the use of these devices can enhance the flow of your essay.

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