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Band 3.5

Raising children is one of the most important missions for many countries. It is recently updated that new mothers and new fathers should take trainings before getting a child. To what extent do you agree ?

#children #missions #countries #mothers #fathers #trainings #child
Nowadays in the
world
Add a comma
world,
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 there are a lot of young people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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children
 and they don't have
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
 parenting skills and experience. So it is
too
Rephrase
very
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 important to know and to have support about how
raising
Change the verb form
to raise
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children
.
Then
, I agree that people should take pre-parental training and I sharing my opinions.
Firstly
, when
children
 are babies they need all
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
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 and care of their
parents
. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,
parents
 should recognize and understand when the baby cries for food, pain and sleep.
For example
, in some cases when
parents
 don't know
to
Correct pronoun usage
what to
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 do, neglect and child abuse
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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.
Then
, if
parents
 take training those cases will reduce.
Secondly
, the pre-parental training helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
 to develop and grow in issues
such
 as healthcare, education and financial
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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 to have excellent experiences raising
children
.
In addition
, governments with the
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will be able to
storage
Replace the word
store
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 all
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
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 information and monitor the processes to avoid abuse in
children
.
To sum up
, these missions in the countries will be of great help to care
and
Change preposition
for and
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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growing
children
 but, it is necessary that governments create institutions and
motive
Replace the word
motivate
show examples
 families to join the courses.
Thus
, I agree and support these courses
to
Change preposition
in
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 raising
children
.
Submitted by natalyrau13 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay introduction provides a clear statement on your position regarding the necessity of pre-parental training. This will immediately establish the purpose of your essay.
task achievement
Expand your supporting examples to vividly illustrate your points. While you've started to provide reasons, incorporating real-life examples or statistical evidence can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by grouping similar ideas together and using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances the flow of information and makes your arguments easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure you have a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position. This will leave a strong final impression on the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting skills
  • well-adjusted children
  • pre-parental training
  • child abuse and neglect
  • emotional support
  • infringe on personal freedoms
  • natural instinct
  • culturally sensitive
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • feasibility
  • governmental control
  • privacy and autonomy
  • social support systems
  • healthcare
  • education
  • financial aid
  • mandatory
  • voluntary
  • community
  • isolation
  • overwhelm
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