IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays people buy a lot of unnecessary manufactured products. Is this a positive or negative development? What is the effect of this on the individual and on society?

#people #products #development #effect #society
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Presently, there is a significant number of consumers who purchase a large amount of manufactured
products
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 which are unneeded.
This
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 writer believes the effects of
this
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 are bad
due to
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 the waste of
money
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 for
people
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 and pollution on over the world.
Additionally
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,
this
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 can lead to negative development with the wasting of
materials
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. It is vital to understand that the more manufactured
products
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people
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 buy, the more
money
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 they are wasting. There is no doubt that
people
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 have a bad habit of buying goods and
then
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 not using them, after a long period of time, these things break down and individuals begin to buy new ones.
As a result
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, unmeaningful
money
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 is spent and the economy of the individual does not go up. Another factor in society that must be considered is that the overload of manufactured
products
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 can lead to pollution. To explain
further
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, to produce a large number of things, coal and oil are burnt for the machines to operate and
this
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 releases smoke into the atmosphere.
Therefore
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, global warming which is caused by greenhouse gases is one of the issues that
people
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 have to face. Consuming too much can have a bad effect on social development because of wasting raw
materials
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. It is essential to understand that in modern life, manufacturing production plays a vital role in making
people
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's lives easier.
However
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,
people
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 begin to be addicted to these things and buy without thinking if these can help anything in their lives or not.
As a consequence
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, the factories have to make more goods because of the demand of the consumers and waste a lot of
materials
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 which can be used for more meaningful purposes.
Thus
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,
community
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communities
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 are wasting lots of
money
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 on manufactured
products
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as well as
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 causing the world to be more polluted.
Hence
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, consuming too many unneeded
products
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 can have bad effects on society's development with the waste of
materials
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.
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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to precisely address the essay question. This will strengthen your argument and clarify your stance to the reader from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your main points with specific examples. Instead of general statements, use precise instances, data, or quotes to substantiate your arguments. This will improve the relevance and impact of your examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should flow smoothly to the next. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay provides an introduction and conclusion, ensure these are fully developed. Specifically, your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your thesis, reinforcing your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you've supported your main points, more detailed support and development of each point would strengthen your argument. Try to elaborate more on each point with additional information or analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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