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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Small shops in towns and villages are closing and are being replaced by big stores. Do you think it is a good or a bad trend? Explain your opinion.

#shops #towns #villages #stores #trend
One of the issues relating
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 small
shops
 in towns and villages is their moving to big
shops
. I guess it is a good trend in our daily life. Small
shops
 in towns and villages are closing and are being replaced
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 big stores. For entrepreneur every stage of their businesses
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 importance. In
this
 case, one of the remarkable
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 small
shops
 is replacing by new, big
shops
.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 it is a great achievement for
head
Add an article
the head
a head
show examples
 of
little
Correct your spelling
Little Shops
show examples
shops
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reasons.
For instance
, the bigger
store
Correct article usage
the store
show examples
 the more shoppers. Thanks to it
this
 kind of
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
show examples
 might
be earn
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
large
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
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 money. Another idea about replacing small
shops
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 big stores is
relating
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 self-progress. Everything in our life
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
such
 kind of progression. It means not well-known
shops
also
 wish and do everything for it.
For example
, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Prada and so on luxury
brends
Correct your spelling
brands
 had started their own way in small spaces and grown increasingly step by step.
This
 is a dream of
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
shops
. To move by big stores,
then
 megacity, next could be being famous in country or continent end so on.
In
Correct word choice
Overall
show examples
overall
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 negative sides
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend of changing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 place of small
shops
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it will be own breakthrough
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these
shops
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Ensure a strong introduction by clearly stating your opinion on whether the trend of small shops being replaced by big stores is good or bad. This sets the tone and direction for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clearer structure by organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs, each with a single main idea. This can include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While you mention brands like Louis Vuitton, elaborating on how exactly small shops can progress to become big stores with specific steps or strategies would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the flow of your essay by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. This makes your writing more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Consider presenting both sides of the argument, even if you are advocating for one position. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for clarity and readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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