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Band 6

Currently children have less responsibilities than they had in the past some say this is a good change some argue that it had negative effect on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion based on your personal experience.

#children #responsibilities #say #change #argue #effect
Most people believe that there is less
burden
 on
children
 nowadays
while
 others think that having less
burden
 has adverse effects on
children
.In
this
 essay, I will discuss both points of view
as well as
 my opinion on how less
burden
 has an unpleasant effect on
children
. On the one hand, some people believe that in the modern era,
children
 have few responsibilities on them,
this
 is a beneficial change because they can explore more about their potential and creative self
however
, in the past
children
 had to help their father with financial stability.
Furthermore
,
children
 feel worthy and affectionate, they feel valued when parents put less
burden
 on them.
For example
, in my house,
children
 spend most of the time on recreational activities, and less contribute to home activities as they are more confident and have high self-esteem.
Therefore
 it is always courageous to have less
burden
 on them.
On the other hand
, there are other people who think that
children
 with less
burden
 are unworthy.It has adverse effects on
children
such
 as worthlessness, unaffectionate, poor feelings for themselves and neglect.
firstly
,
children
 with less
burden
 lack important skills, they have to do many things for themselves like cooking, cleaning and washing as they grow older.
Additionally
, with fewer opportunities, they feel worthless and useless.
As a result
, it leads to many mental illnesses.
For example
 in advanced countries like the USA,
children
 are more likely to have mental stress
as a result
 of less
burden
 on them.
Therefore
, having less
burden
 causes many mental illnesses in
children
.
To sum up
,
children
 are more confident and have self-efficacy when they are less burdened
while
 at the same time, it has disastrous effects on
children
 but in my opinion, it is more positive than negative to have less
burden
 on them .
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help to improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you have sufficient examples supporting each main point. Adding more examples can strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
task achievement
Be careful with word choice to clearly convey your ideas, especially when discussing complex issues.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the topic, effectively covering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, bringing a nice closure to your discussion.
task achievement
You used a relevant example from personal experience to illustrate your point, making your argument more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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