Currently children have less responsibilities than they had in the past some say this is a good change some argue that it had negative effect on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion based on your personal experience.

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Most people believe that there is less
burden
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on
children
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nowadays
while
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others think that having less
burden
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has adverse effects on
children
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.In
this
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essay, I will discuss both points of view
as well as
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my opinion on how less
burden
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has an unpleasant effect on
children
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. On the one hand, some people believe that in the modern era,
children
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have few responsibilities on them,
this
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is a beneficial change because they can explore more about their potential and creative self
however
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, in the past
children
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had to help their father with financial stability.
Furthermore
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,
children
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feel worthy and affectionate, they feel valued when parents put less
burden
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on them.
For example
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, in my house,
children
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spend most of the time on recreational activities, and less contribute to home activities as they are more confident and have high self-esteem.
Therefore
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it is always courageous to have less
burden
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on them.
On the other hand
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, there are other people who think that
children
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with less
burden
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are unworthy.It has adverse effects on
children
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such
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as worthlessness, unaffectionate, poor feelings for themselves and neglect.
firstly
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,
children
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with less
burden
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lack important skills, they have to do many things for themselves like cooking, cleaning and washing as they grow older.
Additionally
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, with fewer opportunities, they feel worthless and useless.
As a result
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, it leads to many mental illnesses.
For example
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in advanced countries like the USA,
children
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are more likely to have mental stress
as a result
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of less
burden
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on them.
Therefore
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, having less
burden
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causes many mental illnesses in
children
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.
To sum up
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,
children
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are more confident and have self-efficacy when they are less burdened
while
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at the same time, it has disastrous effects on
children
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but in my opinion, it is more positive than negative to have less
burden
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on them .
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help to improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you have sufficient examples supporting each main point. Adding more examples can strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
task achievement
Be careful with word choice to clearly convey your ideas, especially when discussing complex issues.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the topic, effectively covering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, bringing a nice closure to your discussion.
task achievement
You used a relevant example from personal experience to illustrate your point, making your argument more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Responsibilities
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Well-rounded development
  • Hobbies
  • Stress
  • Pressure
  • Creative
  • Curious
  • Life skills
  • Problem-solving
  • Time management
  • Independence
  • Entitlement
  • Dependency
  • Challenges
  • Discipline
  • Balanced development
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