IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
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The amount of
money
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 spent on
art
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 is a hotly debated topic that often divides. Some
people
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 think it is wasteful for government to use
money
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 on the
arts
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.
However
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, personally think that
arts
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 are an essential part of a culture and it is quite fair to allocate funds to preserve and develop
arts
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. On the one hand, it is admitted that there are some vain
art
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 shows or exhibitions leading to the wasting of the
money
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. They might celebrate certain huge
art
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 fairs with a huge of
money
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 but did not get their capital and interest reasonably. The Caba
Art
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 museum- a new building in my city as an example of
this
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, adsorbed almost 1 billion but does not attract
people
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 too much.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 is not a symbol of eternity, it might be changed over time. Human lives
won not
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won't
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 just because without the
arts
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.
On the other hand
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, the
arts
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also
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 play a pivotal role in
people
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's lives. It contributes to building an enriching society and promoting cultural understanding.
In addition
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, investing in the
arts
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 has economic benefits and can generate revenue. To explain, by celebrating some good values retrospectives not only help
people
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 recall the illustrious history but
also
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 show the unique works of
art
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. Cutting funding for the
arts
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 can lead to a loss of cultural heritage and identity so the government should take a balance between
arts
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 and other expenditures. In conclusion, despite some disadvantages it brings, the
arts
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 still have a huge impact on society, the government should invest and generate in a reasonable way to equal to other materials.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt throughout. Focus on clearly stating your position in the introduction and consistently support it with specific examples and well-reasoned arguments in the body paragraphs. Incorporate more diverse and detailed examples to substantiate your views.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by structuring your essay more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence. Improve cohesion by employing a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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