IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both and give your own opinion.

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In today’s society, environmental
problems
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 and issues are very big concerns of humankind. Some
people
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 believe that the major risk is the loss of
species
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 of
plants
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 and animals.
However
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, others argue that there are bigger
problems
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 regarding the environment. I strongly agree that we have enormous
problems
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 rather than losing some
plants
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 and
species
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explore various dimensions of both opinions and provide an analysis of the statement of the extent to which I support my possession.
Firstly
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, throughout human history, many plant
species
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 have been dismissed from life.
For example
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, many thousand years ago, dinosaurs were swept from the earth because of meteor rain,
according to
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 one of the theories.
Moreover
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, since humans started to exist on the earth, many
plants
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 or animals have gone or evolved into other forms,
such
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 as dinosaurs, which turned into chickens. Despite the fact that
people
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 continue their lives and have adapted to the
change
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.
Hence
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, the more we lose
plants
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 and
species
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, the more humankind implements themselves into new habitats.
Furthermore
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,
missing
Correct article usage
the missing
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 of some
plants
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 and animals
are
Verb problem
does
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 not have
direct
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a direct
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 effect on
people
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. But, we have some significant
problems
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, which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have
huge
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a huge
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 impact on society.
Such
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 as climate
change
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due to
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 the increasing
of
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apply
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carbon and sulfur
percentage
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percentages
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 in the atmosphere. Because of their contribution
into
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to
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air
Add an article
the air
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,
people
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 have to breathe polluted air
and
Correct word choice
which
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 can cause significant, health and
economical
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economic
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problems
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.
For instance
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, in Gebze
lungs
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lung
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 cancer has been
increasingly
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increasing
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 day by day, because the factories which are placed around the Gebze, are not using air
filter
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filters
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 and they just release their polluted gas into the atmosphere. Unfortunately,
people
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 cannot
evolved
Change the verb form
evolve
be evolved
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 like other
species
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, and directly
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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on
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apply
show examples
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 hazards and
get
Verb problem
makes them
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 sick. In conclusion,
plants
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 and
species
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 can lose their evolution
due to
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 environmental changes or cases, and we might have side effects from that. But climate
change
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 plays a big role in our society's health. Governments and organizations should consider climate
change
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 the most important
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issue for humankind.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's logical structure, ensure that your ideas are presented in a more organized manner. Consider employing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear introduction and conclusion, but strive to more effectively preview your main points in the introduction and succinctly summarize them in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
While you've supported your main points, integrating more varied and detailed examples could strengthen your argument. Try to include specific data or broader case studies to make your examples more compelling.
task achievement
To further improve your task achievement, work on offering a more complete response to the prompt by exploring the different viewpoints in more depth. This could involve analyzing opposing arguments more thoroughly and providing clearer refutations where necessary.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas. To enhance this further, focus on making your argumentation more sophisticated by introducing counter-arguments and demonstrating why your position is more valid or preferrable.
task achievement
You've used relevant specific examples, but expanding on these with additional detail or broader context can make your argument more persuasive. Try to draw on a wider range of sources to provide evidence for your claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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