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Band 5.5

Working from home, some think as beneficial some people think it may distract the family routine. Discuss both views and what is your opinion?

#home #think #people
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There are three benefits for working from home more than negative effects with the family routine for me. One of those reasons is
flexibility
Add an article
the flexibility
show examples
 of life routine.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that I do not have to do some unnecessary activity.
For instance
, the
time
 I spend commuting to the office, I can take
time
 to replace my sleeping
time
 or I can go to exercise in the morning.
As a result
, I can take my
time
 efficiently on those days.
In addition
, the reason is that I can
work
 many jobs.
This
 is because I can make
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 job for special income or I can do some housework.
For example
, when I
work
 at the office, I can not do other
work
due to
 the consideration of my colleague.
Therefore
, working from home is an advantage for managing my
work
.
Moreover
, the most important reason is
sharing
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
time
 with my family.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that I can do some
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 with my family in a day. An example of
this
 is that I can have lunch with my family or watch television at noon, and sometimes I can go with my family when they travel to another province.
As a result
, I have spent a lot of
time
 with my family. In my opinion, the benefit of working from home is more than working at the office following three ideas that I expand
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
: flexible routine, working many jobs and sharing
time
 with family.
Submitted by kristiwatanayothin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction stating the discussion points and your opinion. Consider adding a conclusion to summarize your views and restate your opinion, reinforcing the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs and within them. While your essay shows some coherence, improving this aspect will make your arguments more comprehensible.
task achievement
Thoroughly address both views presented in the essay prompt before providing your own opinion. Consider elaborating on opposing views to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic, even if your opinion leans towards one side.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive and informative.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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